Our adoption process began years before we ever got a child. After several miscarriages, I decided to look into it. Since I was with the military overseas (working as a civillian) I found that there was an adoption support group held on base. The facilitator had lived in Germany (is an American) and worked with people adopting for many years. The knowledge she had about the processes with international as well as state laws and including the military venue, was astounding. We attended the the group for several months and heard all kinds of stories (good and bad) from international and domestic (private and public) open and closed adoptions, and just about everything inbetween. We attended the European Adoption Symposium and became familiar with families in our church that had adopted. The facilitator indicated there was a "Book of Letters" that she maintained. In it were letters from families that wished to adopt. So we decided to write one. It was agonizing. I read a lot of examples on line and also asked a few people from the group to share theirs (which they did). We told everyone we knew that we were open to adoption, and if they heard of a girl who would like to adopt out her baby, to contact us. One (nurse) friend at work had a client that was single active duty and looking to adopt her child and had an agency in the states, but wasn't happy with any of the choices of applicants they send. She wanted an EXTREMELY open adoption. So we exchanged information and talked on the phone, but it didn't work out.
Then we waited. From time to time the facilitator told us when there were women (associated with the military overseas) that were giving their babies for adoption but we would never hear from the lady unless the birthmother (or birthparents) chose to interview us. In the mean time we had a 10 year old foster child, but she had so many deep issues that we had trouble managing her and it didn't work out. So we continued exploring fertility treatments and had another few miscarriages.
Then we got the call on Tuesday 11 May 2004 (around 10:30 p.m.). I was annoyed that someone called that late and told my husband to let the answering machine get it. It was from the facilitator of the group and she left an urgent message requesting we call her ASAP and even gave her cell number. I felt my mouth go dry as I thought what this could mean. A part of me didn't want to be disapointed again, and that is what I thought would always happen when I got hopeful about having a baby. But we called her back and she said a 19 year old girl who claimed she didn't know she was pregnant had showed up in the delivery room and had a baby girl (6 lbs. 6oz. 19 inches) 3 minutes after midnight--that she wanted to place for adoption. The coordinator (and vollunteer facilitator of the group) was called in and showed her the potential canidates. Apparently there was only us and one other couple (who they couldn't get a hold of). She told us the girl would like to interview us the next day around 6 pm, and to come with names for the baby and pictures to show her about us and our home/ life etc. Our heads were spinning! I couldn't sleep at all that night. I prayed and felt inspired her name should be Jenna Evelyn--Jenna is a variation of my best friend's name Jennifer and Evelyn is after my deceased grandmother, whose own mother was from the region in Germany that we live. My husband and I had agreed upon the name of Jennifer for a girl if we had one (because it worked in either culture) but that didn't feel right for some reason, but Jenna did! I gathered up pictures and got going for work. Of course I wasn't very productive that day at work. I looked up things on the internet, hoping it would help. But reall what can prepare you for this? I was pretty tense.
At 6 pm we met the coordinator outside in the parking lot. She told us that the girl was waiting on a non-maternity ward. She had 2 friends with her, and there were three of us--it was a crowded in the small room. We were all very nervous. We told her all about us and used the pictures to help keep the flow of the conversation. Then she asked some questions (about what a day would be like with us and discipline practices). Then we asked her about her situation. To protect her privacy, I won't go into that. When we shared with her the names we chose (we didn't know her name until we walked into the room) there was this electricity since her name is Jennifer. I think it was also important that Günter is German since her mother and her family is--and she was raised most of her life in Germany and wants her child to have the same language and culture experiences she had. We asked about the birthfather. Apparently he didn't know about the baby until she was born and to add to it he was deployed to Romania at the time. Apparently the birth mother had not had any contact with him for the last 7 months. After about 40 minutes we left her with the names we had chosen and the pictures and invited her to look at our webpage to learn more about us. The coordinator walked out with us and said it looked VERY promising. I was still hesitant and held myself back from excitement, but I WANTED to believe this would work. It all just seemed to fall into place! It seemed right.
The birth father was contacted the next day and was shocked and VERY angry, but ended up being supportive of adoption. Even though he made it very clear that he would have prefered to keep her, but with no time to prepare (he lived in the dorms) he couldn't manage it. He wanted to make sure that Jenna grew up know that he would have wanted to keep her had the circumstances been different. He elected not to tell his family about any of this, even though we agreed to an open adoption.
Jenna was placed in a temporary home (happened to be our close friends that are adopting the children from England) until the birth father could return from deployment in Romania to sign relinquishment rights and then Jenna will come to live with us.
It was good that we had a few days to get things ready. Luckily we had bought some baby furniture when we thought a few of the pregnancies would work. So we set up a little room and contact the attorney in my state (Washington) of record.
In the mean time, we visited her every night. What a perfect child! The wonderful part is that we will be able to take her with us to the states next month and the family can meet her, and we can finalize the adoption and sealing then!
Finally we got to be parents!
It was a special day when we met the birthmother at the base chapel. She handed Jenna to us (me) and we both had tears in our eyes. We gave her some small gifts (what do you get someone that has given you a "gift" like this?!). She had a card for Jenna and a Precious Moment's calendar (which we filled out and kept for Jenna to have someday). Then we got to go home. How life can be turned upsidedown in a few days!
To read more...GO TO ARCHIVES 2004 then scroll down and start in mid May and go up.
Birthmothers:
Blogs: Maxine Haggars... Wet Feet
Journals
Adoptees searching for birthparents.How some adoptees feel about adoption. Birthmother feel betrayed.
Birthfather info.
Open adoption Resources:
What is it? Click here.
Books: Dear Birthmother
Open adoption.
Closed Adoption.
Other:
HOw you might feel while looking to adopt.
Humor of adoption process (and infertility).
Celebrity adoptions.
How to get started (and afford )adoption. What adoptions costs.
What/how to tell others your child is adopted.
Attachment and another RAD kids. Attachment issues in adoption of older kids.
Department of State--international adoption latest information. Adoption guidelines.
NAIC (national adoption information clearinghouse).
Personal stories of adoptions from various countries.
Recently the National RESOLVE created a list of ideas of things to do in order to promote Adoption Awareness Month. The following are some public activities that can make a genuine difference.
If your activity will be a public one (lending itself to a slow news day photo opportunity), be sure to alert TV and print media about a week in advance.
· Contact your house of worship and arrange to donate altar flowers one Sabbath in November "In Honor of Children Waiting for Forever Families" or "In Celebration of this Congregation's Adoption-Expanded Families" or "In Gratitude to Birthparents who have Chosen Adoption." (Suggest that each member of your support group do this same thing--reaching many congregations of differing faiths during the month.)
· Add $.04 and use the 33 cent Adopting a Child stamp and the companion post cards (both issued by the USPS in 2000) for all of your first class mailing, from bill paying to friendly letters, etc.
· Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper about a positive adoption issue or an issue that needs to be addressed in your state. For example... adoptive parents, write to the editor about what your children's birthparents mean to you. Birthparents...GET VOCAL. Believe you are important and stand up and be counted. Let people know that you are normal people who wanted what was best for their children but were not in the position to give it at the time. Adoptive and birthparents in open adoptions might consider writing a letter together!
· Local adoption groups might plant a tree at a park or the zoo with a small plaque acknowledging adoptive families or waiting children or birth families. Adoptive parents groups might invite the birthparents from a local birthparent support group to join them in this project. "Open adoption families" might get together and plant a tree. Show the media and the world at large by simply being together that you love, not fear, one another.
· Buy a favorite adoption-related children's book or CD for a classroom teacher's library, a day care center bookshelf, a school library, or a church or synagogue library. Individuals can buy single copies from any book source (though buying from an adoption-supportive small business makes sense, too!) APSGs (Adoptive Parent Support Groups) might consider buying multiple copies of the same book (at substantial discounts directly from the publisher) inserting a bookplate with contact info about the APSG and having families distribute them to area schools or public libraries or day care centers.
· Contact your local public library, local school library, a favorite bookstore, about helping them do an adoption book display. Ask for permission to add to it brochures on triad support groups, local resources, upcoming adoption conferences. (Some library systems plan these displays many months in advance, but some local branches are more flexible. If you're too late for this year, reserve now for next year!)
· If your zoo has dumped its "adopt-an-animal" program in favor of a more sensitive program name, sponsor an animal! Similarly reward other former adopt-a programs. Also use this time to advocate for name changes with current adopt-a marketers (Feel free to use our article "Adopt-a Confusion" as ammunition!)
· Subscribe to Adoptive Families, Pact Press, Adoption Today, Quarterly or another favorite adoption periodical for your pediatrician's waiting room, your school's teacher's library, your hairdresser's dryer/waiting area, crisis pregnancy centers, women's centers, etc (and while you're at it, subscribe for Grandma and Grandma as a Christmas or Chanukah present!)
· Make copies of PP's "Using Respectful Adoption Language" fact sheet or some other article that you especially like (be sure to watch for copyright notices before reprinting--there are a few adoption-related periodicals which expressly forbid unauthorized distribution!) and stuff your child's school's teacher mail boxes. Give one to your house of worship's priest, pastor, or rabbi, too. Send them as well to your state legislators and local media
· With a friend, volunteer to do a short presentation on adoption in a school or Sunday School classroom or for a scout troop-- preferably not your own child's, which is why doing this with a buddy is a good idea. The PP article "Moses, Jesus, Superman and Me" could be a start for you to build on (send SASE to Perspectives Press to obtain a copy.)
· Contact local radio stations and dedicate a song to those seeking and waiting for or touched by adoption. Some possibilities: Linda Ronstadt and Peabo Bryson's duet "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail, or anything from adoptive mom Linda Ronstadt's Lullabies album, or "From God's Arms, to My Arms, to Yours" (also known as "Maybe You Could Tell Your Baby") from Michael McLean's The Collection or One Heart in the Right Place albums or "He Would Be Sixteen" sung by Michelle Wright or "Angel's Lullaby" by Richard Marx on For Our Children, Too AIDS benefit CD , Stevie Wonder's "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life".
· Send a donation to your favorite grassroots adoption activist organization
· Contact local organizations, like AAUW, YMCA, service clubs like Junior League, Lions, Kiwanis, business organizations like Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, etc and ask them for donations to be earmarked for purchasing adoption books for a local library or suitcases for children in foster care (far too often they move with the assistance of undignified garbage bags!)
· Mom or Dad (kids can help- or if they're older, they can do it!) cuts out a "tree shape" from construction paper. Depending on the size you want it to be --- small, medium, large -whatever. Then each family member can draw a picture of her or himself (the multi cultural crayons are great) to put on the tree.(glue, tape...) Also include drawn pictures of grandma, pop-pop, aunties, uncles, friends. Then when the tree is all finished, talk about how it is *love* that makes a family, and how the tree just wouldn't be as beautiful and colorful without *each* "wonderful and beautiful us" on it. Display the tree in a place for everyone to see
· Have an adoption party...invite friends and family over for a casual get together to celebrate and recognize Adoption Month and what a very special family you are. :-) Play special "Adoption" tapes/CD's (for example "Adoption: The Songs You Love, Vol. 1" from adoption.com, "My Forever Family" from adoption songs.com), take pictures, videotape, etc. the happy gathering! Do it again next year, same time!
· Have bumper stickers made "Adoption Awareness Month", "Adoption is an Option" etc
· Submit Adoption Month notices with contact info for local agencies or support groups in church bulletins, workplace and neighborhood and PTA newsletters, etc.
· Contact local radio stations about taping a PSA. In Colorado an agency found that for a nominal fee a local station helped create a tape of a child talking about what it means to have a family and encouraging people to consider adoption. The station ran the PSA all month, and the agency sent it to other area stations as well, at a cost of only $2.00 per copy
· Develop a one page cheaply photocopied informational flyer that can be distributed or posted on community bulletin boards in places where members/staff normally go anyway-- restaurants, health food stores, bookstores, church, groceries, banks, libraries, Laundromats, etc.
· Locate every electronic or manually changed "marquee" or announcement board in town (at hotel/motels, banks, theaters, schools, insurance companies, public utilities, etc.) and ask them to put a message on it about Adoption Awareness Month.
· Create buttons and distribute to local businesses for their employees (especially workers who serve the public at counters) to wear. (The Houghton, MI parents group which suggested this one had success with a casino and Perkins restaurants having their employees wear them.)
· Contact local bookstores about fundraising opportunities. Both Barnes and Noble and B Daltons will offer not-for-profit organizations a percentage of sales during a special fundraising day or week. Often volunteers from the group are asked to assist--be sure to bring brochures and wear those badges!
· Orange County (NY) Adoption Group reports that they and other groups they are aware of hold a Candle lighting Ceremony personalized to fit their adoptive community. Entire families (grandparents etc) gather for a pot luck supper, mingle and share stories. Afterwards participants join in a circle, listen to a "prayer" about our journey in the darkness of adoption to find the light, out children and sing "Happy Adoption Day" by John Mc Cutheon. Then one candle is lighted and passed to each family who lights their own candle and tells briefly of their family.
· MARE-Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange) for years has mailed book marks featuring adoption info and pictures of waiting children to libraries. For 1999 ODS families hand-delivered these book marks to libraries, hoping that the personal touch will mean more.
· Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption (FRUA) sponsored a "Forever Families Through Adoption" poster project to commemorate National Adoption Awareness Month . The significance of the design and the project's purpose is to help build a positive awareness of adoption, adoptive families, and adoption issues. Each year a new design is created with the help of children across the country. Children contribute their artwork which depicts their meaning of "family". The posters are black & white and designed so that families can color them and take them to local schools, churches, synagogues, libraries and businesses to be displayed during November. The poster is sponsored by Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption, Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan, and the Special Needs Adoption Network of Wisconsin. Bulk quantities can be distributed to other adoption related organizations for reimbursement of printing and shipping costs. The poster is also available as an insert into "Adoption Today" magazine Oct/Nov issue available at bookstores. A miniature version can be printed by visiting the FRUA website www.frua.org. Contact FRUA at 703-560-6184, e-mail poster@frua.org website at http://www.frua.org FAMILIES FOR RUSSIAN AND UKRAINIAN ADOPTION, INC PO BOX 2944 - MERRIFIELD, VA 22116
"YOURS" --Michael McLean
You didn't give me your eyes,
Or the color of your hair.
I've climbed the family tree and found
There's no one like me there.
Sometimes I've felt like an alien,
That came from foreign shores;
But look inside my heart, you'll see,
I'm yours.
You didn't give me these feet,
But you placed them on the right path.
You didn't give me this voice,
But you taught it how to laugh.
You didn't give me these hands,
But you taught them to open doors.
Look at who I am, you'll see,
I'm yours.
Do you think the ones who gave me life
Will ever know
The gift they gave to me by letting go?
I hope somehow that heaven will reveal
The depth of gratitude I'll always feel.
You didn't give me these arms,
But you gave them a family to hold.
You didn't give me my body,
But you've truly shaped its soul.
Your love have given me wings
And how my spirit soars,
Knowing that I always will be yours.
Forever and always
I am yours.
What is an adoptive Mother?
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation for the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made. Choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family. Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.
Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds. Not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.
Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history. She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.
She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.
She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into the tapestry of a new family. With many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.
Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there.
Secure in knowing she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.
This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own. But this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
By Carrie Craft
Our Family Tree
We've added to our family tree
A stronger one to make
A child from another plant
Has become our new namesake.
Just as a limb is grafted
From one tree to another,
It alters and improves the plant
Making it, uniquely, like no other.
Our family tree has been improved
Adoption made this so.
For love, much more than bloodlines,
Makes us thrive and grow.
We chose to share our life and love
And all the joys to come
Our "family tree" has blossomed
With the arrival of our cherished one
MY MIRACLE
"When they placed you in my arms and I looked into your face, I felt our hearts melt into one ~ a miracle took place. My prayer was finally answered, though delayed, 'twas not denied ~ the pain of love unanswered, in a moment's time subsides. God's plan seemed hard to understand.
The circle's now complete. He placed the heavens in my arms, so precious and so sweet. Though you grew within another, my soul and yours were one. We united in God's loving heart before life had begun. I received a priceless treasure ~ this adopted child I love... a gift of joy and happiness to me from God above."
Alice Moore from Gatlinburg, Tennessee
PATCHWORK QUILT
Our family's like a patchwork quilt,
With kindness gently sewn.
Each piece is an original,
With beauty of its own.
With threads of warmth and happiness,
It's tightly stitched together.
To last in love throughout the years,
Our family is forever.
... Author Unknown
"FROM GOD'S ARMS, TO MY ARMS, TO YOURS" --Michael McLean
So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I've been thinking,
Cause it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I
Should give this child to you.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.
If you choose to tell him,
If he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life
Could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights,
I prayed and paced the floors,
And knew the only peace I'd find,
Was if this child was yours.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.
This may not be the answer,
For another girl like me.
But I'm not on a soapbox,
Saying how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings,
And I'm trusting God above,
And I'm trusting you can give this baby
Both his mothers' love.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.
********************************************************************************
"THE GIFT WE COULD NOT GIVE EACH OTHER" ---Michael McLean
When she was a little girl
she held her dolls like children.
Dreaming of the day when she'd
have babies of her own.
Now those dolls lie on a shelf
as lifeless as the dreams she dreamed.
It's become the deepest ache
her heart has ever known.
There's a man who's trying his best
to comfort her with roses.
Telling her he'll find a way
to make their dreams come true.
He's been saying this for years,
but now his tears reveal the truth.
In his heart he fears
there's nothing else that they can do.
Then a gift is given,
a phone call straight from heaven.
There's a child that's nearly due
that a young girl's giving you.
She gave more than just one life
when she makes of this man and wife
a father and a mother.
She gives the gift they could not give each other.
More than we could ever know
this couple thanks the heavens.
Every time they hold their child,
they feel they hold the world.
Words will never be enough
to share the way the family feels.
From deep inside their hearts
they want to tell that girl:
Not a day is ever through
till we've thanked the Lord for you.
Your sweetness lingers near
in our hearts and thoughts and prayers.
You gave more than just one life
when you made of this man and wife,
a Father and a Mother.
When you gave the gift we could not give each other.
You have changed our lives forever.
Only you and God above
could give this gift of love
we could not give each other.
*********************************************************************
It's about time! We got back this week and are still suffering from jet lag and have a little unpacking (sorting) to do. The trip went unbelievably well. Guenter and I congradulated ourselves every time another baby was screaming on the plane and Jenna just continued to sleep peacefully! We had to wake her when ascending or descending to equalize her ears, but she tolerated us and didn't fuss too much.
The first leg of the trip included flying into Newark, NJ and finding my frantic Uncle looking for us. We drove the two hours to their house in Delaware and were greeted by their dogs. I was worried about Jenna adapting to different people's home, but she did fine. We mostly had her sleep in the middle and I usually got up to feed her since I am a light sleeper. We took a short day trip to Lancaster, Pennslyvania to see the Amish country. It was so interesting to learn about their customs and see a farm and one-room school house.
Next we took a Greyhound bus (an experience everyone should have--ha ha) to NYC and stayed with my Aunt. She has a nice condo right along central park. We walked in the park and even got to see a free Shakespeare play. Another time we were in Times Square the Olymic torch runner came by. It was quite an ordeal. Guenter went up the Empire State Building tower while I waited across the street eating a McFlurry. There was a bit of a scene when Jenna (in a frantic restless moment) grabbed the cup and managed to stick her hand in the cold concoction and it got all over her and my clothes. I was not happy. We went by Battery Park and saw the Statue of Liberty from a far and walked by ground zero. Of course Guenter was entranced by the cranes--Ha ha.
I didn't want to leave NYC without finding a new pair of shoes for Guenter. He has worn his others to the point of embarrassment and they are so smelling. It is not easy since he has an extra wide foot (I call them flippers). But we succeeded the last day!
We flew to Kansas City and was greeted by my sister Erika who is expecting twins any day now. I was thrilled to go to some of my favorite resturants and this time it was Red Lobster--although I was disapointed they didn't have all-you-can-eat seafood. Boo Hoo.
The next morning we picked up the rental car and were on our way. It took us a while to figure out how to do the arrangements. I usually sat in the back with Jenna and she just slept except when she was hungry. I would mix up a bottle and feed her right in her seat. Unfortunately she couldn't get burped, but we managed to deal with the gas issue.
The first night we drove to Cheyenne, WY. After staying at my Aunt's I had discovered the HG channel on TV and looked for it every motel we stayed at. It was almost comical that Guenter tried to rush equally as fast to the remote to see if it wasn't there. Usually I won. I got some great decoration ideas and loved to see "Curbappeal" and "Trading Spaces".
The next day we drove to Twin Falls, Idaho. There was quite an amazing ravine coming into town. Once on the main road I was stunned with the choices of resturants and shopping stores. I had fantasies of how we could get some of my favorites. As it turned out, once we checked into the motel I was too tired to go out and just snacked on what we had.
The third driving day we arrived in Yakima. No offense to anyone, but the drive was termed "the baren wasteland". It was unbearably hot and not one thing to enjoy looking at. I was relieved to find the hotel and get settled. I LOVE air conditioning! We called my Aunt (who drove with her husband in the motor home to meet us) and they came over. This Aunt is my mother's sister and is more like a mother than my mother. Yes, that means she became grandma too! She takes the roll with joy. She made the cutest quilt (named "Jenna and kitties find a home" and also made a cute butterfly outfit (which Jenna wore to court)--see the pictures for this.
The next day the social worker came to our hotel and interviewed us to see if there was a good bond. This is a required report for the court. Afterwards we went to meet my Aunt and Uncle at their motor home and were fussed over. that evening we met Sarah--the legal assistant at her home and went to a Mexican resturant with all of us. Jenna was the hit of the party again. I was disapointed in the food since I had built up the Mexican food in America to be so much better than the Mexican resturants in Germany, but truth be told, they are about the same.
Sunday we went to church then spent the day with my Aunt and Uncle again.
Monday we checked out of the hotel and all met at the attorneys office. We took pictures then walked over to the court house (2 blocks away). Now I am glad I never tried to get an attorney in Spokane (where I lived prior to moving to Germany) because I found out they require the birth mother to be present at the court proceedings. The whole finalization of adoption was quite anti-climatic! We went in the court room and saw a lot of sorry looking people waiting to face the judge. The judge (female) didn't make us wait but had us come right up--the attorney, me holding Jenna and Guenter. My Aunt and Uncle were the photo takers. We were asked a few questions and it was done. Maybe all of 3-5 minutes! We drove how long...for this?!!! Afterwards we went to another office and had the decree given to us on the spot. THAT was worth it! We packed up and hit the road again.
That night we pushed it to Ontario, Oregon. The next day we drove on into Salt Lake City. We arrived earlier than expected so I called my friend (at work) and she gave me the code to her garage and we got in. Their big dog greeted me, so I let him out. We got settled. By the time she and her husband came home Jenna and I had a nap and we all went out to eat at their favorite Italian resturant Marconi. It was good, but nothing compares to real Italian!!
The next day I gave Jenna a bath while Guenter went with Gary to ToysRus (to see about a model crane). It was a disaster. I don't know why, but Jenna freaked out (I had her with me in the tub). I had to call Jeni to get her. Apparently while Jeni was trying to sooth her she peed on Jeni! Some thanks Jeni gets. We managed to get things calmed down. We got ourselves ready and drove to West Jordan to the temple.
It was so fun to be fussed over. Once in the temple we took Jenna to the nursery and gave them her white dress and we went to fill out paperwork and show she had been legally adopted. Then we waited in the celestial room. Finally they took us to the celestial room and my mentor (like a spiritual father) who had prayed as hard as us for us to have a child talked to us until they brought Jenna in. She looked so sweet all in white. It was a beautiful ceremony bonding us as a family.
Afterwards we took pictures outside and went to my brother's home for a special celebration dinner (BBQ ribs and all the fixings). My brother's kids loved Jenna--the girls had prayed for us to have children so they felt some responsibility for Jenna coming to us. They had even made her a special bracelet which Jenna wore. We chatted with a special friend that came all the way from Denver to see Jenna and then we went to the Gibbon's home and visited more with them and drove back to Jeni's house.
The next day we hit the road again. I hated the car by this time. We drove back to Cheyenne, WY and the next day to Lincoln, Nebraska. I had a very foggy memory of the streets and neighborhoods. Afterall, I left in 1982! We found my parents house and went into visit them. They knew we were coming for the reunion, but we hadn't called to tell them to expect us that evening. The house was the same or worse (as when I grew up there) as far as the clutter factor. It certainly looked like it had shrunk. It was fun to see their amazing garden and try a few fresh raspberries etc. I have fond memories of eating fresh fruits and veges from the garden as a child. Then my dad showed Guenter his "radio room". My older sister and younger sister stopped in with preparations for the reunion and greeted us.
After a while we excused ourselves and went to Valentino's pizza. They had a buffet and it was every bit as good as I remember in High School (we would go there as a track team). Then we checked into the motel. Unfortunately it was so late we had to take a smoking room.
The next morning as we were loading the car my brother and his family showed up. His wife came and road with me while Guenter rode with my brother. It was a nice chance to talk. We drove to the Omaha Zoo. Since it was the 3rd of July there was a huge firework display that night at the stadium right by the zoo so we had to park a long ways off.
We enjoyed the Desert Dome and the Nocturnal exhibit (in the basement). Then we tried to meet up with the rest of family members in the zoo. We only found my oldest sister but others called on the cell phone, but we never connected. It was a hot day and somewhat tiring, but fun.
After the zoo we took my brother's girls with us and saw a few more exhibits then drove to Mahoney Park. We checked into the lodge and then went to my brother's cabin. Everyone was arriving so it was fun to greet and show off Jenna. It was controlled chaos for sure! That night we had a dinner together and later made s'mores.
The next day we all hung out again at my brother's cabin. There was some confusion about the photo shoot location. Finally we all got it coordinated. It was an amazing photographer that took on this job! She managed to get the group shots and individual families. We had Jenna in her red-white-and blue sailor outfit. It was disapointing that she cired the whole time. She rarely cried at all during the trip. I hope some pictures turned out anyway.
That evening we had the big party for my mother. After a very nice dinner (ham and the fixings) we all met on the deck and children presented her with special gifts. My sister Erika made an amazing photo album (memory maker's style) and all the grandkids drew pictures and my sister in law made a grandmother quilt with all the blocks. I had chocolate (from Beligum) and little sacks for all 20 grandkids filled with favorite candy from Germany. It was a very nice evening.
Some of us went with my parents to see the park greenhouse in the morning of the next day. I had a chance for a quiet moment with my father. I was surprised how he acted--like the father I always wanted. He even said that he was proud of all his kids and their spouses and loved them all. That's as close as it comes to mushy talk for him. Then people hung out then some of us said our goodbyes. We caravaned with my sister back to Kansas City to their house. That night was gorgeous so we took their boat and chinese food (for dinner) on the lake. It was the first for Guenter and Jenna.
The next day we went shopping with my sister. Then we saw a chuch history sight nearby (Liberty Jail). That evening we went minature golfing with their family and later dinner at Applebees.
The next day we drove the rental car to the airport to check in. After waiting 4 hours they said our delayed plane was now further delayed for 3 more hours due to bad weather on the east coast. We missed our connection to Germany. We called Erika and stayed another night.
She took us the next day and we managed to get on a flight and made our connection. Jenna was perfect on the flight, but I was a mess. I couldn't sleep at all. We arrived in Franfurt, collected the baggage and took the shuttle to our car and went home.
I had to call the office since I was suppose to be at work that day. We slept a bit then unpacked some. I stayed home all day Sunday (since I felt terrible) and Guenter went to his family for his mother's birthday. He announced to the family my pregnancy (since I am 17 weeks now).
I am starting to show, but not ready to get into maternity clothes yet. It isn't far off. I gained too much in my hips and thighs since I was eating too much to control the morning sickness.
I have my doctor's visit tomorrow and will post the next day the news.
Please check out the web page for photos:
Jenna pictures
and trip pictures
Some things are falling together for us. It is very tiring to wade through all the legal things that need to be done in addition to preparing for Jenna. The birth father returned on Saturday and the adoption coordinator was able to talk to him. He is strawberry blonde haired/blue eyed and about 5'10" medium build. I think I already mentioned the birth mother is petite 5'3" with blonde hair blue eyes. So likely Jenna will look like me! Anyhow, the birthfather is on board and okay about everything but still would like some legal counsel to make sure his rights are covered. Of course I will have to pay for that. The birth mother waved it.
The birth mother wanted Jenna to come to us as soon as possible so today she got the power of attorney changed to us and tonight at 8:30 she will be given to us. She wants it so she can hand her directly to me (not transfered impersonally by the temporary placement people). We can take pictures and we have a little gift for her. I really wanted to get her a necklace with a mother's pendant (head with birth stone and body is a triangle for the girls dress) but I couldn't find it anywhere. Does anyone know where to order these? She will be moving to the states on 2 July to go to college--before we even return from the states. The birth father is going to the states on 8 June and wants everything (that he needs to do) done by then. We are scrambling to get the birth certificate and paper work ready for the passport to be done at the American embassy in Frankfurt. This all has to be done before the relinquishment orders can be signed by the birth parents. Then I have to FedEX the documents to the attorney and the enter it into court and can issue a temporary custody (until the adoption is finalized).
I have take tomorrow, Thursday and Friday off and Guenter will take Wednesday off so we have time to get acquainted with Jenna (and so I don't show up to work sleep deprived). I probably won't be able to post for a whole week but will have a lot to share by then!
My pregnancy still goes on strong--I am sore, sick and tired all the time. I pray that God will grant me special strength to endure this time until it can ease up on any account.
