Please read about how had our first child--in the adoption category. Jenna Evelyn adopted on June 28th (Washington State) and sealed in the Mt. Timpanogus temple on 30 June 2004!
Krista age 41
Married on 6 April 2001
Aug 2001 11 wk m/c girl w/heart beat--random chromosome error on m. 14/15
Feb 2002 9 wk m/c girl w/o heart beat--used clomid & progestrone (Crinone 8%)
Aug 2002 10 wk m/c XXY w/heart beat--partial molar pregnancy used progestrone
Oct 2002 8 wk m/c--blighted ovum, used progestrone
Mar 2003 9 wk m/c girl w/o heart beat--random chromosome error
Mar 2004 pregnancy-delivered on 14 Dec 2004. See photos. Our 2nd child--both in less than 7 months!
I was married in April 2001 (at age 37) and we immediately started trying to build our family.
FIRST M/C:I found I was pregnant in June and we saw a heart flashing at the first ultrasound, but found an overly enlarged yolk sac. At 11 weeks I began bleeding and had the D&C (read story). The tissue was genetically tested and found to be a chromosonal error a girl (on marker 14,15). This is usually due to maternal age. They encouraged us to keep trying.
SECOND M/C: Since I have a short luteal phase, the doctor tried us on Clomid and within 3 months I was pregnant again. It all looked good, but there was never a heart beat on the fetal pole, so we had to have another D & C to remove it (it is called a missed abortion/miscarriage). After we got the genetic testing back, we found it was another girl with perfect chromosomes. Of course they can't say positively they tested my chromosomes or the fetus since it was a girl and was normal. Advice: keep trying.
THIRD M/C: In a few months I was pregnant again (I can't say I am not fertile). I was feeling morning sickness all the time (unlike the other pg). My HCG level was high. We saw a heart beaton two seperate ultrasounds so I ws beginning to get excited, then at 9 weeks there was no heart flashing. I had another D&C and genetic work-up. This time it was a XXY69--partial molar pregnancy. What happened was 2 sperm fertalized one egg and it was severely genticially deformed. Thank goodness it wasn't full molar, which sometimes is canerous and requires 6-12 months of monitoring of HCG levels before beginning TTC!
FOURTH M/C: I was pregnant again within a few months. I had no hope at this point. I hated even going to the apointments because of all the anxiety I experienced. This time we never saw a fetal pole at all--it was a blighted ovum--off for another D&C.
How could I have every known anomolie to pregnancy--except ectopic?! We went to a genetic counselor at a university clinc and had a work-up. The professor stated there was no reason why we can't have a healthy child! All of these p/g were random and could happen to a 25 year old (except the 1st was due to age) as well as to me.
FIFTH M/C: We decided to try one more time. We prayed, asked for the faith of others and felt more positive this time. I waited until the 9th week to go in for an ultrasound. We found a fetal pole, but no heart beat. I was devastaed, angry at God, my body, my life etc. After another D&C the genetic testing revealed another random error in chromosones.
This time we were sent to infertility specialists. They said that none of the treatments available (IVF, IUI, etc) can improve our odds. We could look into experimental PDG-IVF (where they test the chromosones and only implant genetically perfects one back) or look at embryo adoption. We didn't feel good about any of these options.
Maybe my body needed a break, but I honestly thought it was "retiring" from fertility since we used no protection but there was no further peep from the baby department. Image my surprise (dismay) to find I was pregnant in March 2004. After my experience, all it meant to me was to have another miscarriage and from there I vowed to use protection because that was the LAST miscarriage I was going to have.
6TH PREGNANCY: I waited until the 10th week to see a (new) OB (because I didn't want to face another "failure" with the same doctor). My husband knew I was pregnant but I chose not to tell him when I was going to the doctor. I didn't want to deal with his emotions about it as well as mine. I had no hope. Once the doctor took me to her office to discuss my history, I asked to use the toliet before the ultrasound. To my horror I when I wiped I found pink blood. It took all my restraint not to bolt out of the office right then. I returned to the doctor and in the calmest voice I could muster, told her I was bleeding and probably miscarrying and there wasn't a need for the ultrasound. She gently insisted on having one anyhow.
The ultrasound showed a healthy fetus with a heart beat, the right size gestational and yolk sac and the size was exactly on with my ovulation date. I was so shocked I started sobbing and couldn't stop for 5 minutes. She was understanding and patient. I had the most confusing feelings as I left her office. I was shaking and my head was spinning. How could this be?
I processed with a few friends that this MAY work, I went to the doctor once more the next week just to see if it was still true. Then I invited my husband to the following (3rd) apointment. He didn't have to see my emotional havoc because by then I was coming to accept it. It was a strange time indeed, we had a newborn infant with us and my pregnancy all looked normal.
Here is another image at 17 weeks.
After a lot of thought I transfered to a specialist, just to have a peace of mind. The perinatologist did a level 2 ultrasound with 3D imaging and carefully analzyed all the information and didn't find any indications of abnormalities or genetic problems. We found out we will have a boy who is due around 28 Dec 2004! Miracles of miracles we achieved parenthood!
Here are my favorite links:
Fertility and pregnancy
Hot topics for those with fertility issues
Pails of hope--pregnancy after miscarriage
INCIDD--pregnancy after infertility
Cool pictures of fetal development
Inspiring stories and links to challenging pregnancies
Ultrasound pictures for normal pregnancy
A great site to help gain information on infertility
Great pregnancy site
I had my first miscarriage in August 2001. Prior to that I had seen my doctor at 9 weeks and he saw a nice gestational sac, fetus with heart flashing but an over-sized yolk sac (the little bubble that produces the blood until the placenta is working). He did give us a sheet on amniocentisis, but didn't mention this baby was at risk for miscarriage or genetic problems.
The miscarriage itself was a horrible event and I took the whole week off from work to recover. It started on a Tuesday when I started spotting, but I wasn't worried since that is common in early pregnancy. Then it turned to bright red and I was cramping, so I became panicky. I tried calling my doctor (got the answering machine but no emergency contact numbers!!) and the base OB and no one answered their phones (it was 4 p.m.) so I called Dr. Mader (the doctor I was transfering to and which I had an appointment with for the next week). Her office said to come on in, even though they had not ever seen me. I then went home to get my husband.
We waited 30 minutes to see the doctor (longest 30 minutes I've ever experieinced) and explained that I thought I was miscarrying. She did a vaginal ultrasound and we saw the fetus, but there was no heart beat. I started quietly crying. She measured the fetus and said the growth was only 6-7 weeks and I was in the 11th week--almost starting the 2nd trimester. She also told me I had a large fibroid that was blocking part of my cervix and it was unlikely I could ever have natural child birth. To remove it (since it is on both sides and through the uterine wall) was to have a hysterectomy--but not until I was done with child bearing. She also found a large ovarian cyst on the left ovary. What triple bad news for the day!
Since my cervix had not started dilated yet, she suggested I come back the next day for a D & C, otherwise I could stay in the hospital overnight. While we were there I really started bleeding and cramping. So we decided it was best to have the D&C then. She asked if wanted genetic testing done, and I agreed even though this was my first pregnancy and miscarriage--mainly because of my age.
The pain was gradually increasing to the point of nausea. They gave me a suppository to relieve the pain, but that didn't do anything but make me feel uncomfortable. Then I was shuffled from room to room with my bewildered husband in tow. The first room was in a bed next to a new mother that was breast feeding--I am sure she was as uncomfortable with me as I was with her! Then into a room with 2 geriatric patients who moaned and groaned. Then back to the first room. I stayed there trying to supress my groans of pain and enormous grief.
The medical staff was sub-standard in my opinion. After a while a nurse came in and placed some tablets in my cervix to further dialation. Later I learned I already was fully dialated and this was unecessary, but only caused more intense pain and labor! My husband was clueless as what to do. I hissed at him to find someone to relieve the pain, but he was afraid to tell the "authority figures" how to do their job. I was so frustrated. I told him I didn't care what he had to do, but he better find a person to take care of the pain or I would cause some myself--to those involved.
Finally they brought in an IV drip with some relief (about 70%)--but even 30% pain was a lot and I could feel my uterus contracting hard. When the bag ran out they refused to give me any more because the surgery was scheduled at 9 p.m. For 30 minutes I thought I would lose my mind with pain. FINALLY they took me into the O.R. My husband left for home promising to be back the next morning (they wouldn't let him stay the night).
"Holga the Horrible" was the attending nurse that wheeled my bed to the OR while jamming on "ted hose" . She was barking things at me in German and had a very sour face because I didn't have the strength to help push them on! I was happy when they finally got me to the operating table and to the stirrups. I kept crying for people to stop the pain. I gladly breathed deep into the mask and finally was under anesthesia!
As I came out of the anastesia, they were wheeling me into the recovery room at 10:15.
The recovery room was literally in the hallway--I was hooked up to the monitors right under a bulletin board and could read the screen saver. No one once stopped to ask if I was okay despite the fact I was shivering uncontrollably (in shock I assume). Finally I had to stop the anesthesiologist and ask about the pain I was still feeling "Oh, that is normal" he replied as he brushed by. I asked a nurse how long I had to stay in the hall and she said until I was fully awake. I told her I was and could read the computer screen etc. I am sure they thought I was just jabbering for no reason. They kept chattering about pizza and talking to each other. I asked another nurse for something since my mouth was so dry. She brought me some swab sticks that had lemon flavor (bless her!).
I was relieved when they put me back in the room with the nursing mother. At least now I was in peace and could begin to sort out my feelings! I was there 30 minutes and they moved me to a room with one older lady--and that is were I stayed the night. The lady next to me moaned or snored intermittently. I had the nurse coming in to check my IV, take my blood pressure and check the bleeding. I didn't really sleep the whole night but cried quietly as I thought about the meaning of not having this baby.
I was so bored and very glad when my husband arrived the next morning around 9 a.m. Dr. Mader checked me at 10 and I was released. I went home and fell asleep and cried more at home.
The next Monday we returned for the post-op visit with Dr. Mader. She did an ultrasound and said the uterus was nearly back to normal size and I was only spotting by that time. She said one of the pathology reports came back and said the fetus had died at least a week before. She said we can start trying after one cycle, but they normally tell people to wait 3 months. I felt relieved that if the fetus was not healthy, it was better to have it die now rather than getting more bonded and it dying later.
It was extremely painful to "untell" everyone because we had announced our joy to anyone that showed interest. It was painful to see my friends continue in their pregnancies and see big bellies every where I went. Only people that have gone through this know what it is like to loose a dream, a baby and role and status (of motherhood).
I won't go into too much detail, but I ended up delivering at the military hospital after my water 'broke' at 10 p.m. on 13 Dec. 2004. Then contractions FINALLY started. I thought my care was pretty good, there were just a few glitches--I ended up having 4 epidurals. The first 3 hit capallaries and the 3rd one numbed only the right side of my body (that was how 8 hours of labor was spent--I am one of the few people that can say I had 'natural' childbirth AND an epidural at the same time!) The 4th time they managed to get it right, but I knew I also was risking not having any pain control if it didn't work. When it worked it was heavenly! The pushing pressure was more than I anticipated. I had a lot of trouble with my acid reflux during this time and the nurse who ran out of the room saying, "I can deal with anything but vomit!" I lost it emotionally after about 45 minutes of hard pushing. Yes, I was one of those 'bad 'patients, and ended up yelling that I quit and they would just have to find another way to get the baby out! Then the doctor finally gave me an episidomy and the boy was there(after another 30 minutes of being quite rude and offensive!
But the boy came, and his APGAR was 9\9 due to his color. Believe it or not, Günter was able to stay through the whole deliveries (even though I asked him to stay out when they did the epidurals). He didn't cut the cord--he had no interest in it. I think it scared him when I had my emotional break down the last 30 minutes though.The doctor was going to discharge me after 24 hours but I told him I wasn't ready so I stayed 48 hours. Luckily it was slow on the mother\baby unit so I got my own room. I was grateful for that!
Niklas has jaudice but they thought he would work it out, so they haven't given the light therapy. We call him the 'gelb mann'--German for yellow fellow. He looks like a little old man--all wise and knowing. He has had some trouble with eating too. He will sleep 4 and some times 5 hours without waking, which is dangerous for their blood sugar. I beg him to wake up and feed. I do everything I can, but he sometimes won't. Breast feeding hasn't been too easy either. Heprefers the left breast and I feared my milk never came in since I never became engorged. I took him to the Pediatrician at one week and his weight gain was acceptable,so he must be eating. He did notice he was tongue tied and we saw an ENT that thought it too risky to use anestesia on an infant so young. We suspect this may be part of the problem with breast feeding.
Jenna has noticed Niklas. She thinks he is a toy and wants to pull at his clothes. She just stares when he cries. She is having her own problems with constipation, which really has me worried.
We do feel so blessed, overwhelmed, but blessed! I miss having a fairly orderly house. Now it is choatic with kid toys all over and baby stuff taking over our room (where the bassinet is). But is is just the kind of chaos that brings joy.
All I think about these days is having this baby. I must be one of the most irritable pregnant women around. Technically (according to my doctor) I am now full term (past 37 weeks). Tomorrow I am going in for "stripping of the membranes" which amounts to a rigorous pelvic exam where they rotor rooter the bag of membranes away from the cervix. In principal it is suppose to trigger prostiglandins, which trigger labor. I hope! I am also going to walk (or use the cross trainer in the house if the weather is bad) each day and sex is also suppose to help trigger labor. I looked up some homeopathic remedies and found that a popular is castor oil (in shake or omlet) has helped some (but if it doesn't work you are miserable with diahreah), the doctor can give prostiglandin gel to soften the cervix ans some give evening primrose oil. Some very rare recommendations are cohosh (blue/black) or pennyroyal. Actupuncture or massage can also help. I don't think I will get any of these. I don't think they will induce until I am 10 days past my delivery date. I have been given anything from 20 Dec to 28 Dec. I don't even want to consider being like this for 3 to 5 more weeks.
I am so miserable and the only comforting thought is that because of my age I won't have another pregnancy! I don't want to go through this again. How's that for selfishness! I don't like my skin and belly stretched so tight I am afraid it will pop. Mercifully I didn't get any stretch marks, but if I have to go another 3 weeks, there's no telling... I am miserable with the acid reflux, despite taking zantac (ritadine). I am so short of breath that it is embarrassing just walking down the hall or going up stairs that I am panting! This from a girl that ran a marathon etc... Also, I can't get comfortable sleeping. I have a nice body pillow and several others (I put between my knees and feet. I use a hot water bottle on my aching back. My hands fall asleep in the night when I lay on them and I dread turning because I have to heave my whole body (throwing my legs to get enough momentum) to turn.
Over the weekend I got stuck on my back and couldn't roll or get up. I had to call to my husband and he laughed! Jenna thought it funny when he was laughing so she did too. Humilitation... And I attempted to remove all the mamoth hair off my legs (prior to the doctor seeing it tomorrow). It was a dismal failure resulting in me getting very upset. I used a "nair-like" product but it smelled so bad and burned, so I rinsed it off sooner than recommended. Then I asked my husband to shave me. That was it...I've crossed the line...he only agreed if he could do it the way he knows--which his shaving cream. I didn't mind that but he left a lot of places with hair. I'll admit it, it was more than he ever had to shave himself (more like a beard). So now I look horrible. I tried to do a few other basic hygene things as well. To cut my toe nails requires me to contort my leg in a strange way. I didn't even care that the clipping went flying around the room!
This boy is quite active too. I can tell his head is always down in my pelvis but he flips from side to side, and it is disturbing when my belly changing shape completely before my eyes--usually very lopsided. Everyone tells me to "enjoy" this time. Ha. Like I said in the beginning, I am likely the most whiney pregant woman around. Here's hoping for some "meddling" and "stirring up" things tomorrow.
On the Jenna front, we have gotten her now to sleep from 7 p.m. to midnight and then again until 6 am. I can live with that! It took a few nights of her hysteria but her body seems now to reprogram itself. She is terribly congested right now (I think it is from teething) and sound like a little pig snorting all the time. If you have seen some of her pictures, you know it goes with the image--Ha Ha. We got her medicine for acid reflux and hope that helps her, as well as medicine for the excema on the top of her head (mostly just olive oil).
That is all I have for this post. More on Wednesday!
I am not being very dedicated to posting here. I seriously wonder if the site will continue after this boy is born. Already I don't have a lot of motivation to post, and certainly don't have the energy to think of anything witty or even do a spell check. I will be off from Thursday on for the holiday. I get to have Jenna all those days too. She is in a fun stage lately. She can occupy herself with toyd (while sitting up) so I don't have to be constantly entertaining her. She isn't mobile so I don't have to be guarding her now either. She loves to smile, grab her feet and will babble like crazy. It just warms my heart to think of her toothless grin. She is beginning to have some swollen gums on the bottom, so it won't be long before she is my "pumkin" girl.
Today I had my OB apointment. Just a warning, but I am going to complain and grumble about it. I am not sure why I am the type of person that finds fault, but I am sure it has a lot to do with the modeling I had as a child. Anyhow, after the ultrasound (that indicated the boy is now 6 lbs 5 oz. and due on 20 Dec) I met with the doctor. He is friendly enough, but I think he lacks some compassion. He is going to strip the membranes on 7 Dec and said he will try to stir things up, but that nature will decide when he is ready to come. Not what I wanted to hear! I am so exhausted that all I want to know is that there is a (close) end in sight! He said they won't induce until 42 weeks. I don't know how I will cope emotionally if I have to go clear to end of the month. As it is, I move so slowly and feel out of breath constantly. I can't remember the last time I had a restful night (between feeding Jenna x2/night, peeing and not finding any comfortable positions). I am so irritable to my husband because I want this over and I am worried about things not getting done before the boy is born. IT is not a good time in our marriage.
A point in case, right now I am feeling light headed and need to go rest. So that is all the post you will get until next week.
I have been surprised that throughout this pregnancy I have not had many unusual dreams. But just the other night I dreamt that I went to a place to have my baby (it was like a house though) and there were about 6-7 nurses chatting in the lounge area. I went in and said I was ready to have my baby and they said I was here too early and to go wait.
I sat down in a corner of the room and the next thing I knew I felt a big thing coming out between my legs. I pulled my pants down to find a baby's head. I pulled him out the rest of the way and he was LARGE. Something like a 3 month old with white-blonde hair and big blue eyes. I picked him up and went over to the nurses and said the they should have at least looked to see if I was dialated or something. One nurse said very flippantly, "We DON'T do that when you are at this stage." Then I said I would file a complaint because they should have helped me more.
A little anxiety about not being taken seriously with my pregnancy symptoms?! Yeah, I do fear I will end up going to the hospital and being sent home time and again until I end up delivering at home! My father actually did deliver one of the sisters at home, but that was the 7th of 8 kids and my mom probably labored so fast that there really wasn't time to get her to the hospital.
Boy am I ready to have this boy! I still haven't come to my decision to go to the military hospital or the German one. It is nice to have choices. I am struggling with hormonal highs and lows. Just yesterday I was trying real hard to be nice to my husband, and did until about 9:30 p.m. then I lost it. I finally had to go to bed because I could see I was irrational. One of the craziest fantasies I have is being killed in a car accident. Not crazy because I know it can happen, but crazy because almost every time I drive I have thoughts of other cars smashing into me or me losing control and crashing into something nearby. I read in a book that it usually means a feling of vulnerability. I guess I feel something can/will happen to me and my body and I have no control to stop or prevent it. Yes, it sounds just like labor and delivery! I have also wondered what my husband would do with 2 young children if I were to die. Sometimes I don't think he does appreciate me or what I will be doing in the next few months.
One thing that surprises me is that I don't worry or have thoughts about this boy having genetic problems or being handicapped in some way. That is a nice relief.
Work is terribly slow for me. This is an area that I do have a lot of shame/guit. I don't want to "rob" my employer by not giving a good days work. On the other hand, it doesn't make sense to pick up new clients when I will be gone in a month then on maternity leave for 8 weeks. They don't know it, but then I will quit. I anticipate some anger and resentment when I do quit, but it will have to be the price I pay so I can stay home. I still have some things to get done before the baby comes: get a German drivers license, transfer banks (to one in the states that will work over seas), and get the cars registered in the German system. I don't feel like doing any of them, but I try to slowly work at getting them accomplished.
Yesterday I went to see the perinatologist again. I am convinced that one BIG effects of the hormones pregnancy brings on is forgetfulness. I am normally compulsive about writing down times and information, especially about apointments, but when I showed up at 11:30 for the apointment it was a ghost town at the doctor's office. I waited, then found someone, then waited some more. The doctor and his ultrasound tech had gotten lunch and returned about noon. Apparently the doctor had my apointment down at 11! Nevertheless the tech did her ultrasound magic. Yes, it is STILL a boy. Now I feel much better that I sent the box of girl clothes to my sister who just had twins. She really looked at the heart chambers and values. The thing that really got my endorphines going was when she turned on the volume and I could hear (for the first time) the heart beat. I don't know why that was so cool because I feel him kicking around and my belly is getting bigger so I KNOW I am pregnant!
She compiled all the measurements at the end and said the boy is BIG and growing ahead of schedule. My measurements showed me at 25 weeks and the boy close to 2 lbs! Next week I start the 3rd trimester and I am scared if he keeps growing at this pace I will have a 10-12 lbs babv. When I told my husband about the weight he just said, "He fits into the family, I guess." This means we all struggle with our weight.
Since we are on the topic, I must say I was further horrified at the weigh in. I literally have to disassociate my feelings when they move the weight measurements. At least this time they didn't notice me slip off my shoes so I could save the weight of those (last time she insisted I be weighed with shoes on!). I have gained 25 lbs already and have 3 months (of the most growth for the baby) to come. I don't know how to cope with my emotions about this. I won't think about it....
After she was done, I saw the doctor. I brought up my "issues": the acne problem (which he put in two perscriptions for) and asked what his "policy" was on working half days the last 2-3 weeks of the pregnancy (which he won't support unless I have a medical reason, so I have to work until the day of delivery--Yuck!) and taking maternity leave when I plan to quit (he actually supported me in this). He didn't even do any further ultrasound or explore why my placenta is still low-lying (but not covering the cervix). I explored the birthing plan with him. Right now they don't offer any birth classes since their instructors moved, so I am on my own I guess. I told him I just wanted an epidural (I have nothing to prove) and he said I better learn some way of coping with pain since they won't give those until I am 3-4 cm dialated. I hope my old running "dissasociation" tricks will kick in. It has been a while since I used them, but I think I have a lot of mind control.
Then I was on my way. Somehow I am always a bit disapointed after seeing him because I secretly want hand-holding or "princess treatment". It occured to me as I walked back to the car that I am just another pregnant woman. Big deal. To me it is a big deal, because the journey was long and so filled with doubt. To doctors, I guess I am nothing to get too excited about. Boo Hoo.
a man reading this.
a woman who doesn't want to hear about personal pregnancy issues.
Very modest.
Anyone left? Good.
I just want to go on record saying that my body is not my own any longer--AND I don't like it! IF anyone tried to tell me before I was pregnant, I didn't hear them. It's too late now.
Big breasts. Okay. I knew that one, and thought it might be "interesting" to have them for the first time in my life. But BIG aerolas? They take over half the breast and this morning I discovered BLUE lines over my breast. I look like some road map gone awry.
Big Belly. I knew that one too. Even stretch marks (which I only see on my butt now) but a belly button that is now an "outie"?
On the inside, that boy kicks around and find the most interesting spots. Yes, something like a G spot. No kidding. It might be pleasant, but have that while you are suppose to be talking seriously to someone about suicide...
Acne. I knew about that one, but I have something like a red fungus on my face now. And it NEVER goes away. My husband even gasps in horror in the morning and says it is spreading. I do my best to cover it with make up, that way it doesn't look so bright red only like flaky scales coming off all day long.
What else? peeing. How embarrassing is it to go to the bathroom and before you get to another room you have to go AGAIN? I tried not drinking water but was dealing with serious problems from that.
Tell me again, why, a person that struggled with fertility, prayed and hoped for all this for so long. Don't say I will forget all of it after I go through the valley of the shadow of death and hold such a precious baby in my arms because I have wisen-ed up.
I KNOW that my breast will grow larger and I will expect them to exploid with milk or be screaming myself from a baby trying to suck on them.
I KNOW that it will take at least 9 months back down and even then I will never have the stomach muscle tone nor the same body back.
I KNOW the boy will pee in my face no matter how careful I will try to be.
And there are so many things I don't yet know. Adoption was soooo easy....
Okay. First, my belly.
Next, ultrasound pictures from various weeks in the pregnancy. The last one (20 weeks0 in 3D is very cool--funny the boy has his legs folded up to his nose! They must be VERY flexible in there.
Speaking of the boy, he is now "fluttering" like crazy! I do feel like a live fish is inside my belly flopping around. Guenter was even able to feel it yesterday, so freaky!
We were quite busy on the weekend. On Saturday I cooked all morning (English toffee, lemon cake and bean salad). We left the house at 1 p.m. and went to a church summer party. The theme was appropiate--the olymics. They had a short program (with kids carrying in the banner) then all of us had 10 "events" to score at. Guenter won the apple bobbing one and I actually got a strike at the bowling one. I completly failed walking with a potatoe between my knees and an egg on the spoon! It was fun. They had a BBQ afterwards.
We left then to go to a friend's (from work) farewell BBQ. We are blessed that Jenna is so good with all the people that hold her and fuss over her. However, she is getting spoiled in a sense because she cries if someone isn't giving her eye contact and engaging her constantly now. I can't get bottles washed or the house picked up without her crying because I am not smiling at her.
Sunday I was so tired. It almost felt like a sinus headache coming on. I hope not. I know it is the right thing to quit my job because I wonder how I will even keep working until the baby is born. I am just too tired, and this is suppose to be the trimester with the energy!
Sorry folks, I wanted to make this special by having PHOTOS to post as well. I finally found time to get Guenter to work on that and he discovered the computer had a worm/virus. It kept crashing. So he tinkered around and replaced various parts (to see if that was the part affected). Then he couldn't down load the software to get the scanned photos posted. It was so frustrating.
But I thought it not fair to leave you hanging, even though he is trying to fix the computer soon so there will be photos.
Anyone who voted BOY is right! Yes! When the technition showed us (pretty clearly) I had to deal with initial disapointment. Of the pregnancies that gender was possible to determine, we had girls (3 times--out of 5). I thought with the time of fertilization and implantation, it would be a girl (generally from my fertility "Bible")
Plus, I have an adundance of girl clothing (some of which Jenna only wore once before she "outgrew" them). I had envisioned them being best friends, sharing a room etc. Now we have to rethink a lot of things.
Guenter jokingly said we could call him "Nikolas" since he will be born at Christmas time. I LIKED that--a boy named Nick. Then he said he was just kidding since the boy would be teased terribly around 6 Dec since it is St. Nikolas tag (where chidlren put out their shoes and get them filled with sweets). I know he will be teased about SOMETHING and there are a lot of great come-backs to this (since everyone loves St. Nikolas). Nevertheless, Guenter still wants to research a few other names. I like Benjamin but my sister already named her boy that. I have nothing to do with that sister, but she will think I am stepping on her toes, I am sure. Alexander is another name. It is hard to find one that is normal in German and American culture.
Also on the baby front, I feel the little boy kicking now (a fluttering). I am still not confident that is what it is since I have other aches and pains in the region (I guess from the uterus stretching or mild contractions--they say happen throughout the pregnancy). Anyhow, I am trying to shift my thinking.
If we only have these two children, then it is perfect to have one of each gender. To be perfectly honest, males scare me. I don't understand them at all. I am afraid that I won't be able to "bond" and may even take it personal should he pee right in my face while changing diapers. I have an "okay" relationship with my brother now, but growing up we really didn't have any connection. I would love to hear of stories where brothers and sisters can be close since I have no reference point of that.
So the 3D pictures should be up in the next few days.
I just got back fromt he perinatologist and we had a level 2 ultrasound AND 3D pictures! Tonight I hope to get my husband to scan them in so you can see. It can tell you it is a healthy child--they checked everything very carefully. I am relieved. The growth is EXACT on my ovulation/BBT chart--estimated birth date being 28 December. (It is slowly moving from 25 Dec, but that is better anyway). We are thinking of names now that we know the gender.
Either later tonight, or tomorrow I will tell the gender. Please cast your vote and some names, just for the fun of it!
Hugs!
Yesterday we had our doctor (OB) apointment at 4:30. Not only did we have to wait 1.5 hours (apparently she was doing an in-office surgery) but we there wasn't a diaper in Jenna's diaper bag and she was leaking. It a rather bad situation. Finally we were able to be seen (by our doctor's colleague).
We had both a vaginal and external ultrasound. If I was organized I would have asked Guenter to scan the phots and post them for all to see, but I am not. The baby was head down so all we could see was a good profile (little nose etc) and brain development (could see the sections and primative development of major parts). We then saw the spine and ribs and an arm/hands. NO matter what we did could we see the lower extremities. So hopefully next visit will show us what gender of a child.
Guenter is more excited. He likes to touch my belly (which I don't like because I just feel and mostly look fat, not pregnant right now). I am scared that I will be able to love another child, especially if it wasn't as cute or good as Jenna.
I am also getting anxious about the idea of quitting my job and staying home. While I like the concept, I am scared of the financial implication and the break from the military American benefits.
Have a nice weekend. I will sleep and finish unpacking and hopefully get a few other things done.
Last thursday I had the OB visit. My husband met me at the office (with Jenna of course). Since it had been 3 weeks, I was a bit nervous myself. After she got the vaginal ultrasound going and we saw a very active little fetus. She (I like to believe) was moving her arms and legs all around. She actually looked like a little human (and not a tadpole). She had a nicely develope heart and we could even see the umbilical cord! I didn't act very shocked and neither did Guenter. I am in the 11th week, so things are looking good. The doctor will order a level 2 ultrasound at 22 weeks to see if there are genetic problems (because I refuse to do an amniocentisis because of the risk of m/c).
Pregnancy has been kicking my butt. I have been throwing up several times a day and I am so sick of it! I wonder if the lack of sleep and stress is also making it worse. If it wasn't for the "progestrone poisoning" (aka morning sickness) I wouldn't know I was pregnant! Well, that's not true. My acne is getting pretty bad.
If you want to see a few more pictures of Jenna then look here. There is a picture of the birth mother giving her to me and one when we met the birth father for dinner. They both gave us permission to show their pictures (but we will protect their names). We leave next week for the states and hopefully the adoption will finalize. I still need to reserve a rental car and hotel!
