I feel like I am off vacation now. Ha Ha Ha. Vacation? Right. Well, Günter went back to work today. This officially marked the end of the holidays. I didn't read blogs or answer emails over the week(s). But I have to get back to my routine and normal life.
Christmas 2005
It really began a few months ago when a friend got me a three day pass for base. The first day we shopped the commisary and BX but the next day I took the kids to another base (we have 3 in the vacinity) and looked in the Power Zone. I found The Step 2 Sweetheart Playhouse. It was a good deal, so I asked a friend to buy it and I payed her back. I stored it in the garage until Christmas.
On christmas eve Günter made the traditional family food they have. It happens to be potatoe salad and sausages. It goes back to when his father's family was very poor and came from Prussia and that is what they made for a 'special' meal. I think it is a nice tradition to remember the humble beginnings most families had. It was a cosy setting. We had the kids in their high chairs and lit the advent candles and had all the other lights off (except the Christmas tree, chich only has white lights). We played Christmas music in the background. The kids seemed to feel it was a little more special. Afterwards we sang a carols then took the kids over to the tree. Some years ago my sister had made these felt stuffed nativity ornaments. So I did my best to tell the Christmas story to them using those. I let them hold each character as I told about them. Then they went to bed.
We decided the week before to make a special DVD of the last year for our gift to the family. Of course time was such that I only worked on it a little until then. That is not like me. I am not a procrastinator, in general. So Günter did a few technical things while I put together the playhouse. We even got to bed at a reasonable hour!
On sunday, Christmas day, the kids woke up at 5:30am. Unfortunately, that is the normal time. I hd Günter occupy them while I got everything ready downstairs. I turned on the Christmas lights, had the Christmas music playing and put out the stockings (I guess they weren't hung by the fireplace with care--because we know that soon the kids would be there). Then they came down. I I was so excited to see Jenna's face when she first saw the house because I think it is something I would have been so thrilled to have. But she didn't react as I thought. She looked and went over, but I thought she would be like she was the first time she saw the lighted Christmas tree! Niklas soon joined in.
Then we helped the kids open gifts and we opened ours. I was excited to see if Günter was happy about getting the "Everyone Love Raymond" (season 5) DVD's and a huge toy crane. He loved the DVD's but really wasn't thrilled about the crane. I guess his mother had bought one for Niklas (for when he is older) and Günter thought it was too much like that. I got the Bosch mixer--now I can make bread without kneeding it myself!
Then we got ready and went to church. This was the first time in a long while that Günter sat with the kids. He came to my service (after his was finished) and I sat with the choir. Now he has a little more empathy of what each Sunday is like with these kids. He didn't get to hear or see much of the program! We went home and the kids got their naps and we finished up some food that we took to our neighbors for Christmas Day dinner. Günter took the kids home and put them to bed and let me socialize a little. I never seem to be able to do that. When I got home I worked until 4 am on the DVD show. I must have had a buzz fromt he Diet Dr. Pepper (I haven't had caffine in a very long time). I really got into making the songs and pictures match! By the time I went to bed, couldn't unwind and Niklas woke up at 5:15 so I essentially didn't get any sleep that night.
Which was unfortunate since we went to Günter's family dinner that day. I was very grumpy from lack of sleep and his parents didn't do anything to childproof so we pretty muched had to keep the kids on our laps or stand right by them to watch that they didn't get into anything--for FIVE HOURS! We had the cake part but didn't get dinner since we left at 7 pm and it wasn't anywhere near being ready.
Which was fine, since I went right to bed. The rest of the week Günter had off from work. So we traded off days and I got more sleep. It felt so nice, but I want more!! I don't even know where all the time went, but before we knew it, it was New Years eve. We had raclette (cheese--from Switzerland) and the fixings and went to bed by 10:30 pm. The fireworks woke me at midnight. That is something I am starting to get used to, here people all buy their fireworks and set off some amazing shows. They are everywhere in the neighborhoods and cities. Luckily the kids stayed asleep. We went to church the next day. Our meeting times changed and ours began at 9 am (rather than 1pm) so that wasn't too easy to get the kids and everything ready, but we had the rest of the day to enjoy. Unfortunately Günter wasn't there to enjoy it with us since he had meetings until 6 pm.
Oh, and we got snow! 
I will post Christmas pictures and news soon.
I took this from Heidi's blog--she is password protected but listed on my kindred spirits list.
What did you do in 2005 that you've never done before?
Bought a play house for my children (for Christmas).
Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
No. It is pathetic. I don't even think I will make any because I think it weakens your moral fibers when you don't keep your goals. If I accomplish things, I accomplish them. I have some ideas of things I want to do this year.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
A good friend I knew from work. She also had numerous miscarriages.
Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.
What countries did you visit?
Just stayed here in Germany. Didn't even get across the border to France! :(
What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Some time to myself. Go somewhere (overnight) without the children.
What date from 2005 will remain etched in your memory and why?
The day I quit my employment (giving up my financial security and base privledges and all that has meant).
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
To have the kids sleep through the night--ha ha.
What was your biggest failure?
Probably not losing the pregnancy weight.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had surgery on my nose (deviated septum) and have suffered with tendonitis in my wrists.
What was the best thing you bought?
The playhouse--both kids really love it!
Where did most of your money go?
After the housing costs, then baby stuff (formula for Jenna, diapers & food for both).
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Buying Fisher Price Little People for my kids (since I remember it fondly from my own childhood). Also Halloween--taking the kids trick or treating (when you never thought you would have children, then these dreams come true are especially sweet).
Compared to this time last year are you:
a. Happier or sadder?
Happier in most ways. Probably because I get more sleep and have been thrilled with watching the kids develop and progress. Sadder in that I feel left out since I can't go on base at will.
b. Richer or poorer?
Poorer in that we don't have my income any longer but our lifestyle really hasn't changed.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise and gotten out in nature more.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
well, you can tell where my mind is--wish I hadn't eaten so much!
How did you spend Christmas?
With our kids, at church and with Günter's family.
Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yes, with Niklas. I was afraid I couldn't love him at first. It was easier to be in love with Jenna. I still keep working at it with Günter.
What was your favorite TV show?
The first part of the year it was Third Watch the second part Monk
What was the best book you read?
I know I read a few books, but I can't think of them right now.
What was your greatest musical discovery of 2005?
Right now I love the big band ear music (1940's) and jazz.
What did you want and get?
To stay at home raising my children.
What did you want and not get?
A certain pan that would complete the set I have.
What was your favorite film this year?
I love Harry Potter but I saw the three Lord of the Rings and it still stays with me.
What did you do on your birthday?
Just had cake. It was just another day (41).
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having Jenna begin speaking. Having Günter keep his agreements.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Chubby white frumpy mother.
What kept you sane?
I am not sure I am. Ha Ha. But I held onto the hope that things will get better as the kids get older. I knew this year would be hard and pretty much told myself just to walk through the motions and it will get better.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Julia Roberts--I wonder how she is coping with twins.
What political issue stirred you the most?
The war in Iraq. I hope that it ends soon. There have been too many deaths and it has cost too much. I just don't want it to be another Vietnam.
Who did you miss?
Brutus, my cat.
Who was the best new person you met?
My neighbor Vickie and I have become good friends, even though I knew here before this year, I never knew her more than name and house. Now we are good friends.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Keep your mouth shut and don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to.
I try to keep the front room child-proof. We have a baby gate and everything else that could cause injury to a child I have either removed or adapted so they couldn't get to it. Each day I make sure that nothing can be consumed that they could choke on. But Jenna kept finding things and putting them in her mouth and I had no idea where the secret stash was! I kept watching her carefully and finally found out that she had dropped her food and stored it under her high chari. It is one of those First Steps that you attach onto your own chair. So now I periodically have to tip the chair and get the stuff out so my little squirrel doesn't munch on something bad.
While we are on kids I thought I would record a few other things. Niklas now is into the "dropping game". He likes to drop toys to have us pick them up. Thankfully Jenna wants to play and will retrieve them and thinks it is fun. Now Niklas drops his spoon when eating. Iwouldn't even mind so much except it is usually has stick food on it and them it glues to the floor. Once he starts, Jenna thinks she should join in and does the same. Both refuse to eat if I try to fee them myself. They both want to self feed, which is such a bother because they are SOOOO messy. Even though I use full bibs (with arms and all) they manage to get their hair dirty every time. I tire of washing them, the trays and the floor and anything else they touch several times a day.
Jenna can nearly run now. Yes, she can. Mostly when she has something I don't want her to and I try to get it back. She lifts up her feet and has good-enough balance to keep going.
Mr. Niklas got his bottom tow teeth and the two top ones are nearly out. He can be quite grumpy at times. He seems to have radar and knows when I leave the room. He will be absorbed in something and I will tip-toe to the baby gate and go over without opening it. He somehow looks up and high-tails it to the gate and screams at me. He also likes to push any chair around the room. As I was typing this he pushed Jenna's high chair over into me. And he just pulled out the power source for the computer. Drat. Go to go.
OUT OF HERE!!! I hope in the future I remember this post. Since I decided to make plates of sweets to give to neighbors and friends, this whole experience has been disasterous from start to finish. I threw away some of the stuff that didn't work out, I snacked on some of the stuff that did and I can literally feel my fat growing. I am like a compulsive addict now. I hate the stuff but seem to pop more in my mouth. It is disgusting. I made peanut butter balls(which I ate most), chocolate fudge, butterscotch fudge (that failed), toffee (that failed twice), pumpkin cookies (which I ate a lot and gave some to the kids).
Since the plates need more, I still have to make lemmon bars, coconut macaroons and sugar cookies plus make another batch of the peanut butter balls.
I admit that I must have had this idea to bake when I was craving sweets and it has gotten out-of-control. So I have had my fill on sweets..and more. Now I must go to make more...
This little guy made his appearance:
How could a year go by so slow and so quickly at the same time?
If you want to read the birthstory then click on continue. We feel so blessed to have Niklas and enjoy him more each day!
delivery
I won't go into too much detail, but I ended up delivering at the military hospital after my water 'broke' at 10 p.m. on 13 Dec. 2004. Then contractions FINALLY started. I thought my care was pretty good, there were just a few glitches--I ended up having 4 epidurals. The first 3 hit capallaries and the 3rd one numbed only the right side of my body (that was how 8 hours of labor was spent--I am one of the few people that can say I had 'natural' childbirth AND an epidural at the same time!) The 4th time they managed to get it right, but I knew I also was risking not having any pain control if it didn't work. When it worked it was heavenly! The pushing pressure was more than I anticipated. I had a lot of trouble with my acid reflux during this time and the nurse who ran out of the room saying, "I can deal with anything but vomit!" I lost it emotionally after about 45 minutes of hard pushing. Yes, I was one of those 'bad 'patients, and ended up yelling that I quit and they would just have to find another way to get the baby out! Then the doctor finally gave me an episidomy and the boy was there(after another 30 minutes of being quite rude and offensive!
But the boy came, and his APGAR was 9\9 due to his color. Believe it or not, Günter was able to stay through the whole deliveries (even though I asked him to stay out when they did the epidurals). He didn't cut the cord--he had no interest in it. I think it scared him when I had my emotional break down the last 30 minutes though.The doctor was going to discharge me after 24 hours but I told him I wasn't ready so I stayed 48 hours. Luckily it was slow on the mother\baby unit so I got my own room. I was grateful for that!
Niklas has jaudice but they thought he would work it out, so they haven't given the light therapy. We call him the 'gelb mann'--German for yellow fellow. He looks like a little old man--all wise and knowing. He has had some trouble with eating too. He will sleep 4 and some times 5 hours without waking, which is dangerous for their blood sugar. I beg him to wake up and feed. I do everything I can, but he sometimes won't. Breast feeding hasn't been too easy either. Heprefers the left breast and I feared my milk never came in since I never became engorged. I took him to the Pediatrician at one week and his weight gain was acceptable,so he must be eating. He did notice he was tongue tied and we saw an ENT that thought it too risky to use anestesia on an infant so young. We suspect this may be part of the problem with breast feeding.
Jenna has noticed Niklas. She thinks he is a toy and wants to pull at his clothes. She just stares when he cries. She is having her own problems with constipation, which really has me worried.
We do feel so blessed, overwhelmed, but blessed! I miss having a fairly orderly house. Now it is choatic with kid toys all over and baby stuff taking over our room (where the bassinet is). But is is just the kind of chaos that brings joy.
Despite the four of us having nasty colds, we still had the party. I used the Little Nemo theme. Here is Niklas with hiscake (was suppose to be in the shape of a fish). He was not feeling well, but seemed to improve as the evening went on.
Here is the table with guests. We had four cakes: carrot cake, cheese cake, raspberry torte and plum crum cake.
Niklas got a cute cap and a cuddly bear as gifts!
Probably his favorite is the top. Anything that spins or has buttons is on the top of his list! Wednesday is the "real" birthday, but this was a fun celebration.
As if we didn't have enough "celebrating" in this season...tomorrow is Niklas's one year party (even though Wed. is the actual day). Unfortunately, Jenna and I have a cold, but I can't let that slow us down. I am going to do a fish theme--he doesn't care, but I think it will be cute. Today I made several cakes and made one cake in the shape of a fish.
Today Niklas was standing independantlt for several secords and even took 4 steps. Maybe he can do his "trick" tomorrow for everybody. He also "dances" when music comes on (bends his knees up and down and rocks back and forth).
This morning when I got up, St. Nikolaus had come and put nice things in our stocking. If you want to read more about the German tradition then go here. You will notice our handy-dandy stocking holder (aka diaper changing table).
Here he is with his stocking (normally kids put their shoes outside and they are filled, but we combined with the American stockings, indoors). It is a special time of year since we named him Niklas because of the season.
St. Nik was VERY good to me! This was my childhood stocking too, even though it is plain, it brings back all those memories.
The kids had a giant bread man along with a few other things. I had to confiscate the chocolate Santa after Jenna bit off the head (foil wrapper and all). Also notice the chairs lined up are part of the barrier to protect the Christmas tree.
My last post was on Saturday and it was a dismal day. But it ended better than it started. We sent shopping then swimming. The kids just love to go swimming. Jenna has a little trouble with being overwhelmed, but we worked with it. Jenna's swimsuit is a very light color (although the German's often go natural).
I had good intentions. This year I wanted to make a variety of goodies to give out to neighbors and friends. Last night the baking fest began. I followed the recipe to the best of my ability and made 2 kinds of fugde (chocolate and butterscotch). I put them in the fridge and this morning I tried to get them out of the pan (I didn't know to put foil on under it). In the end they looked like a bunch of mashed some-thing or other. In the garbage they went.
Today I made the toffee. The idiot that I am (and the person that wrote the recipe) said "sugar" so that is what I put in with the 1 cup butter and put it on the stove to get to "crack" stage--even had my candy themometer in the pan! I must have had it cooking for 40 minutes then I got out another cookbook to see what variance the recipes had and found it was BROWN sugar. Since I remembered that you can make brown sugar with white plus molasses, I poured a little into the pan. And cooked it another 20 minutes. The themometer stayed at soft ball another 20 minutes so I turned up the heat. It wasn't 2 minutes later that it passed crack and went to burnt! I poured it over the pecans and melted the chocolate chips over it just in case it did turn out. Then into the freezer. Once it was cooled I took it out and broke off a piece. Yuck. I had to throw that in the trash too. I don't know if I want to attempt anything else.
Bah humbug!
Every year around this time I start spinning around with my anxiety. You see, I have 6 sisters and 1 brother, and all but one are married, and all of them that are married have at least 3 kids (one sister has 6). For years it has been quite frustrating because I don't have much of a relationship with some and it can be expensive buying and mailing all those gifts. Each year for the last 7 years I have adovacted (first with my mom who ignored it, then with siblings) to either draw a name or just buy gifts for those you will be around in person. But my mother refuses to budge. She think more is better--even did when we were growing up but it resulted in getting a lot of pencils and socks from everyone--despite the protest.
Last year I made my position clear. Since I will no longer have access to the military post and international mailing it 4x as expensive, that I would not do the gifts any longer. So what happened? When I talked to my mom at Thanksgiving she reminded me of the theme for gifts this year. I didn't have the ovaries to stand up to her at the time. In the past I have tried very hard to be emotionally healthy despite my dysfunctional family (being direct and non-shaming to people) but now I have seemed to have lost my anchor or something. I just don't feel like confronting it any longer. It is the old passive (I am not sure about the aggressive part) way my mom handles it--just ignoring the requests and pushing through with her own agenda.
So now I am thinking I will just ignore HER. She doesn't (want to) hear when I have been direct. So this year I just won't send anything.
There is another sister (the oldest) that claimed we never had the "discussion" about Christmas gifts and that she is fine with giving gifts to everyone. Of course she then added that she is so busy that hopefully she can finish up LAST YEARS gifts and mail them along too. As it turns out, she doesn't ever get around to it--so recieving the gifts is just great for her--she just never gets to the giving part.
I need to get out Christmas newsletters, make plates of goodies for neighbors and friends around here and plan for Günter's family gifts. I just hate it all! Bah humbug! I know some people LOVE this season, it is their favorite. Not me. I rather wish the grinch would steal Christmas--at least the gift part.
Friday I spent the entire day trying to get Jenna to sleep. If it was just at our home, I would have just accepted it, but it was at the doctors. She was to be tested to see if the signals she hears are going to her brain.
Set the scene: we had a HUGE dumping of snow the night before and so I left early for her doctor apointment (a friend was watching Niklas but needed to be home by 2 pm). We arrived on time and they tried to do the hearing test. However, Jenna wouldn't stay still. Then they gave her a suppository of some type that aided her to fall asleep. She took it (with only some crying) and we waited. She twisted and turned (I think fighting the sensation to sleep) then became hyperactive. After 1 hour the technition came in and suggested I either take her for a walk in the stroller (I wasn't inclined to do this in the snow) or for a drive.
I elected the drive and since it was getting close to the time my sitter needed to get going I thought I would drive (30 minutes) home and pick up Niklas then come back. I did and Jenna fell asleep on the way back to the doctors. I thought it was perfect. I unloaded the stroller and put her (still sleeping) in the back part (that folds down like a bed) and Niklas in the front and pushed it to the back door where I knew there was an elevator. A man was coming out at the time and held the door. Still asleep...then in the elavator...I pushed the button and nothing happened. I tried this numerous times. Then I tried the other floors. It didn't work! I didn't know what to do.
So I took both kids in my arms (waking Jenna) and slung the diaper bag over my shoulder and climbed up the 3 flights of stairs. Just to find the door locked. I knocked and rang the bell but no answer. Then I sat on the step and started crying. By this time both kids were completely awake and trying to get out of my arms.
Finally a lady came and said she didn't have a key and to come to the other door. I climbed down the stairs and put the kids back in the stroller and went to the other door. Then up to their office. Apparently they are closed but willing to see us.
Of course by then Jenna had enough sleep that she was not going back into slumber again. I tried walking around with her in the stroller (through their halls) with a dark blanket over the hood so it was completely dark for her and she was strapped in laying down. She screamed and screamed. Niklas was pretty good. This went on for another hour. At one point she had fought so hard that she must have been exhausted and was quiet, so I mistakened that for being asleep. When I lifted up the blanket to check she let out a scream. Then we were back to that for another 30 minutes.
By this time I had invested my whole day and didn't want to leave until we got the test! But in the end she won. She refused sleep and by 5 pm we had to leave. They said they will have to anestatize her and will call to make that apointment! Blah.
I was so discouraged and tense by the time I came home I hoped Günter would already be there and could take the kids, but he was late at work. So it goes in my life.
Günter is really proud of this crane he helped to design. I had to fake some interest in it when he went into a lot of detail. I am proud of him for working hard in his profession.
Jenna on the little carousel they had there. She had an absolute blast. (Wish we had to space to put a little video to prove it!)
Niklas FINALLY got his first tooth. There is no way he will let me get close enough to take a picture (or even to rub the gums) but I was able to feel the jagged ridges, so I know one is coming up. Yeah! He won't have to have baby dentures.
I caved. Since he has a bad cold, I nursed him at 4:30 when he cried. We'll try another time when he is well.
This sleep thing with babies...I keep thinking about an interesting occurance. In the beginning I knew Niklas was suppose to be up nursing every few hours, but once he was able to go to bed at 7 pm and sleep until 4 or 5 am, I was thrilled! I rewarded him with a nice nursing and he went back to bed.
Then he decided he didn't want to go back to bed any more, so he either screamed or I let him quietly play toys in his room while I tried to sleep in the recliner. Soon a pattern was occuring. I kept trying to condition him to change his cycle to sleeping all the way through until 6 am. After some very difficult early mornings, I could see some progress. He started sleeping until 5 am and slowly edging towards 5:30. Then an interesting thing happened--it reversed.
He eventually conditioned me to feeding him at 4:30 again. So now I have decided I am the one in charge (!) and I can make him do it! Yesterday I didn't get him until 5:30 am and today I let him cry it out until 6 am. I mean, I was watching the clock! He would scream hysterically (but it was more of an angry cry) then take a break and I would hold my breath hoping he was going back to sleep. Günter got upset at one point and told me to go get him. Well, he said to just go in the room, but don't pick him up--like that would help any! It would make me crazy too.
So I "swore" to Günter (no, not cursing--ha ha) that tomorrow he will wake up around 6 am. I hope I win. Otherwise there will be another (big) baby in the house.
"Lawyers should never marry lawyers...it's called inbreeding, and it produces idiot children and more lawyers."
Quote from Adam's Rib1949, a classic movie starring Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracey where they (as oposing lawyers on a case) cleverly address the war of the sexes.
Gave me a good chuckle for the day. Have you seen the movie?
I think I have found out what is wrong with Jenna. It was strange how I came to this. It was through another blog about adoption and some suspicions they were having about their child. After doing some research on the web, I came across this diagnosis. It seems to cover some things about her that didn't seem quite right. Each one in itself would be nothing, but altogether it adds up to something.
*Since birth she has sucked on the bottle with such vigor that people that hear her (and it IS loud) they think she is starving. She makes a clucking noise.
*She has had excessive drooling since birth--even though I thought it was 'normal' because of teething--and she did get her teeth in early--she soaks a bib every half hour. No joke. But I don't see other kids that drool that much--teething or not!
*She always had trouble soothing herself--when upset she would arch and throw herself back and scream uncontrollably.
*We were thrilled when she started smiling all the time (and seemed less agitated about things) and soon everyone nick named her 'the girl who always smiles'--she constantly has her mouth open and looks like she is in a smiling posture. But that is not "normal" either.
*Once we introduced foods, she had trouble with tongue thrusting. The food would come right back out. She had trouble with textures and tempatures. So we adapted to what she would take and how she would take it.
Since she is the first child, I just adjusted and accepted this is how some kids are and went on. Until she didn't begin speaking. Some people reassured me and said that they knew children that didn't speak until they were 2.5 then spoke in full sentences. Others said that Jenna may be delayed because we speak two languages in the home. But I still had a feeling something more was going on.
During research I came across this on Apraxia.
In addition I think she does have sensory integration difficulties which shows up with her extreme reaction to air blowing on her face, anything soft touching her and food textures. She is terrified of loud noises (like the vaccume cleaner, motors, planes crossing over head). She is also afraid to go up or down stairs. She has 'night terrors' where she doesn't seem to be really awake and is hard to sooth or calm down.
Lastly, I know she has fine motor problems. She still picks up things with her first and second fingers rather than first finger and thumb. She frequently trips over things and gets very frustrated when she can't grasp or manuver things.
What does all this mean to me? I know there hasn't been a definative diagnosis, but it does seem to explain things--which helps me feel a little more in control--to know what I can and can't do to help the situation. But to be honest, I am in a stage of grieving. I am adjusting my expectations to accept that she may have long term problems with speech that can't easily be "cured". I am also glad that I am finding what I can do to help at this stage (early intervention-Yeah!). Mostly I am working her oral motor problems by helping her feel more sensations in her mouth. I have a finger tooth brush that I use daily and I am gently moving her chin up and down since that seems to be a problem (she doesn't have enough feedback to move her jaw in the correct way). She is still adorable and I love her all the same. Notice the open mouth and the small amount of drool on her shirt (I always remove the bibs for pictures):
of kids, I thought I would document some strange behaviors.
We have a piece of cloth (that the Germans use like a kerchief around the neck of children) that Jenna likes to place over her face and wanders around the room bumping into things--as if she were blind. I can't figure it out. Niklas puts it over his face and plays a little game like peek-a-boo with it, but that is normal. I wonder if this has something to do with sensory issues. Not just because of that, but a whole lot of other things. I am beginning to put it together for her and will post on another day what I found that explains some of her difficulties.
The other thing that is strange is about the wipes. I have to make sure the wipe container is closed tightly after use because if Jenna ever finds it open she will take a wipe and suck on it. YUCK, it must taste soapy. I can't understand that either. It has happened so many times, that I don't think it is just a game.
But on the cute side, she is really immitating Niklas. When he puts his hands on his face, she will. If he claps, she will. It is a good thing we have these two kids that are becoming like twins.
Both kids are down for a nap. I have a moment! Here are the latest little "tricks" the kids are up to:
When I open my mouth (close to them, while they are eating) Niklas now puts food in my mouth. He gets the biggest kick out of this, and laughs and laughs about it. Jenna now puts food in Niklas's mouth and when he comes by her. In our family, it is a round-robin thing with the food. The only one that is missing is me putting food in Günter's mouth. It's only a matter of time...
Jenna modeled after Günter and blew him a kiss the other day. She hasn't done it since. It was really sweet. She likes to lay her head on his shoulder and have her back rubbed.
She also likes to get shoes (even brings the correct pair) to me so she can wear them. After a while she gets another pair. I am amazed that she can match the shoes. Occasionally she brings an odd pair, and I put them on her and she hobbles around the room like that for a while.
Both kids like to "sort" the bibs. They sit on the floor and inspect the bibs then put them in a pile. Then move them again to another pile. They both do this to the diapers too!
Jenna will only cooperate to have her diaper changed if I give her a book to read. I guess this is the beginning of the bathroom books! Niklas is still Mr. Wiggles when I change him and I have given up doing it on the changing table. It is just too dangerous. I acutally gave him a bruise (accidently, of course) one day on his thigh when I grabbed him fast, so he wouldn't fly off the side. Now I only change him on the floor.
Both kids like to put their hands in each other's mouths. No problem for Jenna--Niklas doen't have any teeth (at 11 months!). I worry one day Jenna will chomp down on Niklas's fingers and we will have an injury! She has very sharp teeth--I can witness to that!
Niklas is very much a boy and loves to spin wheels and push buttons. He can open the amoir doors and fiddles with the TV buttons. I discovered the TV has a children's lock--Yeah! He frequently smashes his fingers though when the doors close. They are both thrilled when they find a remote. Jenna will run off once she sees I have noticed her and I am coming after it.
Niklas is a little monkey-man and will stand on his tip-toes and do chin-ups on things he can grab(he is very strong). It scares the daylight out of me. He already looks like an abused child with the different stages of bruises on his forehead from bumping into things, he doesn't need any other injuries.
Both kids hate to have their finger nails clipped. It becomes a battle of the wills to accomplish this. I would just let them grow, but they end up scratching themselves and each other.
Niklas can climb up the stairs. Jenna is afraid of them (not sure why) and will put up her arms to be carried up.
Jenna can open the garbage and gets things out (like banana peels). Niklas figured out how to open the baby latches in the kitchen, so he isn't safe in there either.
Jenna seems to know what she wants and will throw royal fits if she doesn't get it. She throws herself back on her back and bangs her bum on the floor while she screams. Sometimes she bounces around the floor that way. Niklas just screeches. Unfortunately Jenna has now taken that up too. Most of the time I don't give in, but on occasion I have given whatever to her. She will become quite instantaneously. So I know it is a manipulation. I wonder if she can even remember why she is tantruming after a while.
These kids just keep getting more interesting and fun every day!
I don't know if it is 300 in the journal or including all the categories too, nevertheless, that is impressive!
Today is the day of 5.
5 things I want to do before I die:
1. Visit China, Australia and Russia
2. Go on a mission with my husband
3. Speak German fluently
4. Have grandkids
5. Live in the states again
5 things I cannot do:
1. stop giving suggestions to others for improvments
2. play the piano
3. speak another language fluently
4. hoping for something better
5. have another cat (because I found I am allergic to them).
5 things that attract me to the oppostie sex:
1. humor
2. self confidence
3. sensitivity
4. good social skills
5. nice teeth
5 things I say often:
1. Jenna!
2. Oh, Pleeeaase.
3. Can you believe...
4. I don't think so.
5. What were you thinking?!
5 celebrity crushes:
1. Anthony Hopkins (I know that he is old, but it's his personality)
2. Billy Joel
3. Hugh Grant
4. Matthew Broderick
5. Mel Gibson
Niklas is quite a character. He is very strong and very fast. And he knows how to get what he wants. Here is an example:
Thankfully Jenna is patient with him (more so than I am). I have a lot of fear he will fall over backwards (he has many other times) when he is stealing her food. Of course it isn't the same when I give it to him in his highchair. He is his mother's son and likes to see what he can get away with.
Günter had Monday off and Tuesday was a German holiday. I wish I could say it was relaxing, but it wasn't. A few times it began to be, but then it hurried along to more work. Monday Günter put on the winter tires on both cars. I stayed in and watched the babies. Then we ran errands--going to the bank, then to pick up new brakes (more about that later) and then to the hardware store.
It seems that everything has to be hard here. While I stayed in the car with the kids, Günter went into the bank but they had problems with his deposit and wouldn't take it (imagine that!). Then we went to another bank in a different city (while I waited with the kids) and he accomplished his task. Then we drove to the Toyota dealer to get the brakes and I stayed in the car with the kids (who were by now in melt down mode from being constrained in their car seats so long). They cost a lot more and took a lot longer to get than the quote over the phone.
The hardware store was okay. I had fed the kids (in the car) so Niklas was sitting quietly and we got Jenna a large pretzel at the bakery, which kept her occupied for most of the time. We bought what we needed and left. Apparently we hadn't changed the clock in the car to daylight savings, so when we figured out we had an extra hour we went to the grocery store (this time Günter waited with the kids in the car and I went it). By the time we got home it was dark and there were already kids in costumes going up and down the street!
I hurried and got both kids in their costumes (Jenna wore the Bumblebee this time and Niklas the skunk). A few times the door bell rang and several German kids (always dressed up at devils or witches) said "sweet or sour" in German, of course. That was better than last year when they said "Give us something sweet or we will throw slugs!" We finally made it out the door with the kids. We only went to 5 neighbor’s homes, just to show off the kids in their costumes. Then we came home and promptly put them to bed!
Günter and I stayed up and watched Harry Potter 3 on DVD (a neighbor loaned it to me). It was scary with the dementors and all, so a good movie for Halloween. Kids kept coming until 9 pm (they are the teens without costumes that demand candy).
Tuesday Günter spent 3 hours TRYING to replace the brakes. Finally I suggested he put the old ones back on and we take it into the shop (for 60 euros they replace them). Then he took the power washer and cleaned the patio (of all kinds of moss and stuff) and power sprayed the underside of the lawn mower. I don't know what all we should do to get that ready for the winter. I watched the kids. They were crazy. Probably since I let Jenna taste some candy and Niklas just gets into a hyper mode all on his own.
By the evening I was bushed again (it seems I never get down time from the kids). After we put them to bed I began watching a video (Mussolini and I) until I fell asleep. I managed to crawl up to bed and stayed there until Günter woke me because he was stumbling around in the dark. I guess he was getting a cold and wanted someone (like, um...who?) to help him get some medicine.
Today feels like a Monday and I am trying hard to stick to my diet. I have been so disgusted with myself pigging out on all sorts of things (Halloween candy included) that I simply must do something about this NOW!
This was fun. After reading this, type "your name needs" into a search engine and find out what YOU need. Funny. This is what Krista needs:
Google:
Krista needs her friends to be patient and understanding.
Krista needs to practice her wise-girl accent with someone.
Krista needs to have someone tell her to straighten her act out.
Krista Needs Help With Her Sunscreen.
Krista needs the most fixing.
Yahoo:
Krista needs to speak with potential speakers.
Krista needs your feedback.
Krista needs to restock supplies.
Krista needs additional help on this project.
Krista needs to leave.
MSN:
Krista needs to find some sort of monetary boost.
Krista needs videos.
Piecesofus challenged other bloggers to list things they are afraid of, so here are the ones I can think of. (After I write this I will probably think of all kinds of other things.)
1. Heights--I never knew I was afraid of this until 1989 and I was training to be an instructor of a "Ropes" course. During this I had to climb up on beams and walk (with a safety harness on, of course) and jump from the end of a pole to a trapeze. I was so terrified I stood there holding the beam for my life. I started crying. I know the intent was to form trust and gain courage, but it immobilized me. Since then I have "owned" my fear and recognized it when I am close to an edge of something very high or even climbing up tall ladders etc.
2. Large snarling dogs--I was bit by a German Sheppard when I was a girl and chased a few times on my paper route but I still feel the adrenalin kick in when I am around large dogs that start growling.
3. A fear of a serious car accident. Anyone who has read my blog for a while may remember when I was pregnant I had irrational fears of my car losing control and killing little Jenna. Once in a while I still have "flashes" of another car swerving and hitting me or crashing into a wall or large tree.
4. Irrational one, I know: fear of not having enough. Not enough food, money, love. This one has got to be from my childhood. I act so crazy when I think something I need will not be there when I want it.
5. I fear losing control. I hate losing control of my body (for any medical procedure) or anything physically going wrong. Even having sex falls in this category. I don't want anyone to take away my ability to choose what will happen to my body. I don't like my body to be altered or changed.
6. This leads to my fear of pain. I have had two very bad situations where my pain was not managed (more like discounted or ignored) one was when my appendix burst when I was 18 years old and the first miscarriage.
7. Fear of losing someone I deeply love. I have always kept something back; even from my husband (just in case he would die I would be able to still function). But with having kids, they have gone into a deeper place within my heart and I can't control the feelings. I just hope neither of them dies anytime soon, because I worry I would not be able to function.
8. I am afraid of people thinking I am a fraud or incompetent. This used to cause me a lot of stress in my job but the last few years it has gotten better. Now that I quit my paid profession, it is not really an issue. I remember a professor saying: first you are unconsciously incompetent, then consciously incompetent then consciously competent then unconsciously competent. It made a lot of sense. Anyones guess which category I was in!
Wow I am impressed with how many things I have listed already.
9. I am afraid of not returning to the United States to live. I never came here to stay, but I also know we have a good life and I love a lot of things I have now that I couldn't have in the states. I don't know if I want to go through the stress of moving and finding jobs in the states either. But I don't want to be an ex-patriot either!
10. Last one (I know there must be many more, but I don't want to dig them up). I am afraid of love--or people liking me. I don't trust that people (even my husband some times) really love me. It's the old therapy issue: if people really knew me, they wouldn't love me. I guess this is why I do this blog. I have been trying to do some rational therapy on myself. I know it doesn't reflect on my worth and that people are busy.
So there you have it. It was pretty cathartic for me. I haven't been that vulnerable for a while. I am sure it will do me some good.
Not that I watch Tv much, but I happened to have it on Oprah and she highlighted James Frey's book "A Million Little Pieces". An autobiography about a man (beginning when he was 23 years old) recovering from alcohol (began at age 13) and drug (began age 20) abuse. Apparently it has been the top seller of all the booklists. So far I haven't seen a bad review (except he uses the F word an average of 2.54 times a page).
Since I am in the field of mental health, it interests me. His main message is to "Hold On" because your feelings (cravings/desires) will change. Has anyone out there read it? What do you think?
Last night we went to a church Halloween party. They had an indoor carnival then the kids could go "trunk or treating" in the parking lot (everyone decorates the trunk of their car and hands out candy there--it's a lot safer). Personally I think my kids were the cutest . Jenna the skunk (and she REALLY can be stinky) and St. Nikolaus (that is why we named him Niklas, since he was born around Christmas time last year). I also had the Bumble Bee costume, but both fought wearing it. Jenna looked like a lost boy from Peter Pan. She was the most adorable thing there that night! What do you think?
I tried to get one of the kids to be a Bumble Bee but both fought it. Despite the picture:
1. What have been your nick names? Krissy, Kris, fleet foot, Krisda, MaMa, CinderKrissy,
2. What color pants are you wearing? demin
3. What are you listening to right now? Jenna playing
4. What was the last thing you ate? PBJ sandwhich
5. Do you wish on stars? I did when I was younger
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? forest green
7. How is the weather right now? overcast, windy
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Günter (husband)
9. Favorite animal (pet)? Brutus
10. How old are you today? 41
11. Favorite drink? water
12. Favorite sport? running
13. Hair color? blonde-ish brown
14. Do you wear corrective lenses? glasses
15. Siblings? 6 sisters 1 brother
16. Favorite month? April
17. Favorite food? blackforest cake
18. What was the last movie you saw? Shrek 2
19. Favorite day of the year? When I get a good nights sleep
20. What do you do when you are angry? Vent to someone
21. What is your favorite game? Billabong
22. Summer or winter? Summer
23. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
24. Favorite flavor? Chocolate
25. Controlling or easy going? Controlling
26. First person you kisses? Bruce C.
27 Favorite parent? father
28. When was the last time you cried? can't remember
29. What is under your bed? Dust bunnies
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Jeni
31. What did you do last night? played with kids and worked on computer
32. What are you afraid of? snarling dogs and heights
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? all
34. Favorite car? one with heated leather seats
35. Favorite flower? Lilac
36. Number of keys on your key ring? 3
37. How many years at your current job? 10 months (as full time mother)
38. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
39. What did you do on your last birthday? normal day
40. How many states have you lived in? 9
41. How many countries have you visited? 30
42. Who do you miss the most at this moment? my cat
43. Do you believe in Love at First Sight? for others maybe
44. Who can always make you smile? Niklas and Jenna
45. Do you play the Lottery? never
46. Do you have a secret crush (pretend boyfriend)? yes
47. Dream Vacation Spot? Greek Islands
48. Slim, just right or over-weight? Overweight
49. Musical instrument you wished you played? piano and guitar
50. Favorite store to shop? garden & hardware
If you liked reading this, copy this to your blog and answer the questions.
Please thank my husband for his fine work on getting things running here on the blog. It is FINALLY starting look like a respectable blog (I have been running on an anorexic blog for a while). Any suggestions? Do any of you have a spell check for you blog? If so, let me know what it is. I am notorious for misspelling words and I am too lazy to cut and paste it to a word document and run the spell check each time.
I miss all your comments!
Last week I finished reading the book "the seventh cross" by Anna Seghers--a book that was given to me over a year ago by a good (but older) friend. After I caught up on the Harry Potter series I looked around to see what I could read and came across this.
The beginning of the book was hard to follow, but then it was incredibly interesting. It is a story about a fugitive that escaped from Westhofen CC (concentration camp) early in the Nazi regime. Of cousre there were seven that escaped at the time and the story covers how each are caught and their fate. But one is able to escape permently. They even made a video (starring Spenser Tracey). If you are interested in books about this topic, I would highly recommend it. Or watch the video if you can find it!
I have not been motivated to post lately--or even to catch up with others blogs. I am sure that part of it is due to my slow recovery and putting all my energy into caring for the kids and everyday chores.
Since I don't have much to say about my current life, I will give you some of my interesting history. In 1994 I was working as a therapist at Fairchild Air Force Base (as a civil servant). In June an ex-client (of our Mentall Health Clinic) that had a grudge with our psychologist and psychiatrist (both Active Duty) so he brought an M-16 into the building and opened the door to the psychologist's office (who had a patient with him) and shot him right in the heart. The patient thought it was a military "exercise" until his face turned white, then blue. She called the Security Forces. My office joined Dr. London's, but I was out of the office at the time.
In the meantime Dean Melberg (the killer) went to the next office and shot Dr. Brigham in the back (through the heart) who was leaning over his desk at the time. Once he had killed his targets, he went on a random shooting spree. The techs and secretary in the front office saw him (and heard the shots) and they dived under their desks. He shot down the hall and left the building (shooting a lady smoking a cigarette out the door). Then he was shooting anyone in the parking lot that crossed him. He went into the hospital across the parking lot and shot people in the cafeteria and halls. He killed 4 and injured 23. It was a horrific thing. Finally an off duty base cop (who heard the banter on the police radio) grabbed his hand gun and rode his mountian bike and saw Melberg. He shot him and actually hit him square in the head, and he died. (He later recieved a well deserved award).
As I write this it seems like a movie, or a story I read, but it was my life back then. The base was sealed off for weeks. I was close to the wives of the two colleagues that were killed, and offered them support. It was a week of funerals and grief. When the special forces let us go back into our office, I helped one wife clear out her deceaded husband's office. It was devastating. As we were walking out to the car with a box, a B-52 that was practicing for an air show (and Lt. Col Holland's fini flight) crashed. If you want some anaylsis on the reasons why, then click here.
Somepeople say bad things happen in threes, and I don't know if that is true, but that week my neighbor's house caught fire and burned down.
I would say that week was such a trauma to me that I measure time and my life events before and after it. Just so you know, all of us that worked in the clinic had some PTSD. They brought in 'debriefers' and let us take off 2 weeks, but then we had to get back to work. If you can imagine, I was trying to give therapy to clients that had lost their doctors and I, myself, was grieving them myself and had trouble feeling safe in the building again. I don't honestly know how I got through those days until I could feel anything less than numb. But life went on, and mercifully, the mind has a way of dulling the pain. I realize now how quickly things can change in ones life and how it is best to be on good terms with everyone, or you will have a lot of other issues to deal with if they die.
As a result of the losses, we had a new psychologist and psychiatrist join us. The psychiatrist played a significant part in my life to come. Stay tuned.
In order to distract me from my nose misery I will let you in on a few on my favorite blog couples. I find it facinating that a husband and wife would each write a blog that over laps but has such different perspectives. I guess it is the marriage therapist in me.
Here is Freckle Girl (Jess) who is newly married to Nerdle (Casey). They live in Boston. And here is So Said the Fish (Beth) and her husband Rude Cactus (Chris). They live in the DC area. They all write quite well and have lots of pictures that help to visualize their lives. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
I doubt my husband will ever want to blog. Boo Hoo. So I will just enjoy vicariously.
What I thought was going to be a simple out-patient procedure turned into 3 days of torture. Here is what my diviated septum looked like before:
I drove myself to the doctors on Wednesday at 10 am and they had me prepped for surgery quite quickly. Günter stayed home with the kids. The anestestiologist put in the IV shunt and then gave me 'magic medicine' that quickly filled my body with a flood of warmth that soon knocked me out. I woke up in the recovery area an hour later (with a surgery that they thought would take 20 minutes). I called my husband and read a little. I felt quite good, all things considered. I was waiting for them to discharge me. Then they took me up (on the gurney) to the hosptial room to stay for the night. I was quite unprepared for that but glad that I had told a friend that Günter would pick me up or I would call her (as opposed to her just waiting to take me home). They put me in a room with a 4 year old boy who had tubed put in his ears (and his mother). The room had 4 beds in it and they one the boy was in was facing the TV. My bed was directly UNDER the tv. The mother had the bed next to him and the one next to me was empty. The boy was whiney (I couldn't really blame it but all the same it was annoying me). The mother was constantly going out to smoke, the TV was blarring (in German) some cartoons and I just wanted to rest. Günter brought the kids over and some things I requested. Then it was time to get ready for bed. I had to express my breast milk by hand (which was no easy thing since my left arm had the shunt in it for the Iv and my right wrist has tendonitis). I got in the shower and felt like I got a good deal out. The mother was watching TV into the night and had a light on for her son (who is used to it at home) I had to put my coat sleeve over my eyes to block out the flashes at the light changed on the program. Once the TV went off I heard the train going by (aproximately 500 feet away) every 20 minutes. I woke up several times with pain and once even went to get my hot water bottle filled. The (male) nurse heard me and got very angry and said I should have pushed the button for him to help. He put me on an IV for pain. I found some sleep during the night, but it wasn't restful.
The next morning I went to see the doctor (the tradtion is the patient goes to the doctor not the other way around). After I saw him I told him that I had a lot of pain and that I was sneezing and had alot of congestion and a few times (gently) blew my nose, he got angry. He said that form I singed said I was NOT to blow my nose! I had signed that over 2 months ago and had forgotten it. I wish the nurses would have reminded me. Anyhow, I felt a lot of shame. He said it was water under the bridge and we would just have to deal with it if it undoes the benefit of the surgery (damaging the tissue). Then I was even more anxious worrying about further procedure. After he left I started crying and felt naseauous. The nurses had me lay down and then said I should stay another day.
I went back to the room. The boy and mother checked out, so I took the bed that faced the TV. Then I called Günter. He came with the kids and then took Jenna to the Pharmacy to pick up my perscriptions. I kept Niklas to breast feed. I was so engorged by the time he was feeding. It wasn't comfortable for me and he spit up a good deal of the milk (maybe it was too much or had some of the medicine taste in it). After Günter returned he took the kids to an apointment Niklas had with the physical therapist. I had the nurse show me how to apply all the medication. There was an ointment we put in the nose and a spray (plus the antihistamine, antibiotic and the pain med). It wasn't long before my face was all swollen--the nose, sinus cavity and my top lip. I told the nurse who called the doctor. They put an IV in to reverse the problem.
Here is what I looked like:
I know I look like a convict or Shrek (with the disportinate nose). The doctor came (to my room even) that night at 7 pm. I had the room to myself and watched DVDs and rested The kids only visited once more).
Friday morning They brought in breakfast then Günter came with the kids so I could breast feed. I went to the doctor at 10:30 and he removed the splints. He said there wasn't any damage (I was relieved). And said if there was any other complications to call him over the weekend. I came home and now have to flush out my nose 4-5 x a day with salt water and do the nose spray and take the medication. I hope all goes well with the healing process. I think this is one of the cases where the cure is worse than the illness!
I haven't posted for a while because...my cousin called to say she was in England and wanted to come stay the next day (and her visit extended to a week). I have only briefly met her twice in my life that I can remember. She is (only) 23 and bought a cheap airline ticket to Europe and a eurorail pass and headed over. I think she must have thought it was going to fun and easy (fantasies always are) but she has had a lot of difficulties already (and she is flying out of London at the end of November). Apparently she couldn't find her youth hostel in England (even with the language on her side) for 4 hours. The day she came to us she missed the ferry and slept overnight in the station. The worse part is that she is traveling alone. While Europe is by far safer than the states, it still has it's risks. Once she got here she was exhausted and discouraged. She slept for several days straight and then had some more troubles getting the train connections to Luxembourg (and my husband had to take off work to go rescue her). She did manage her day trip to Heidelberg--which was a relief to me. I helped her to create a rough itinerary and gave her guide books, a cell phone (only to use in emergencies) and my backpack (she came with an oversize duffelbag which was hard to lug around when she gets lost. Plus she brought 2 pairs of flip flops (she said that is what she wears at home in Florida--I guess it didn't occur to her that the fall in Europe could be wet and cold). She didn't even have a jacket, so I gave one of mine. I haven't heard from her since she left our place, but she is planning to come back around at the end of the trip to return my stuff. I am trying hard to remember if 'I was like that when I was her age. I must have been clueless too, but I never did it on such a grand scale!
I also caught up on the Harry Potter books. I finished 5 & 6. I must say that I am so sad about who died. I am a little obsessive and wanted to find more out about the author JK Rowlings (Joanne Kathleen) who is 40 years old and lives in Scotland now with her 2nd husband and 3 kids. Here is what she looks like and an interview. Apparently the 7th book is finish--they are just waiting for the right time to release it. I can't wait to read it.
Last week I also went on base and did a HUGE shopping spree with my neighbor (spending $270 on groceries). I also sold her my gas coupons (and abondoned the idea of getting someone to exchange them for more coupons) so we now have to pay the European price for gas (which is more than $5/gallon equivalent), so I have more to complain about than any of you in the states! But it felt so good to belong again. She gave me the 3 day pass so on Friday (after the apointment with the anestiologist in preparation for the surgery this week) I wen ton base to the thrift store (and found a lot of good stuff in cluding the FP ramp-up garage. Now I need to dejunk to make more room! Plus I found Step 2 Sweetheart playhouse at the base power zone and had a friend get it for me. They had the price mismarked at $170 and I got it for $70 cheaper than it normally sells for! So all in all I had a great day. The weather has been fabulous too. I almost feel like I drank some of Harry Potter's Felix Felicus!
This week I will have my surgery to correct the divided septum so you may not get a post for another week.
This week I haven't blogged even read others blogs. Why? 1) We have all been sick with an annoying cold. 2) I have been reading Harry Potter (book 3 & 4 and now on 5). 3) I have been lazy.
On Monday I went to the doctor (with the kids in tow) to give what I thought would be a quick urine sample (after finishing up the anti-biotics). Well, it showed up more infection so I had to see the doctor, she did an ultrasound (and ruled out any ovarian cyst or other gynological problems). Then they made me an immediate apointment with the urologist for the next day. He was very nice and thoural. He did a good ultrasound on my kidneys and bladder and didn't see anything of concern. But then he found some 'spots' on the liver. He said he didn't think itwas cancer but wants to do some scopic thing and will continue tests and if it is still there at our next apointment he will send me for a CT scan. Great. It seems like my body is falling apart now!
I wear a tooth guard (splint) and yet my jaw STILL pops and hurts. I wear a wrist brace and sometimes the thumb seems to knock out of joint and sends searing pain. I am having nose surgery in two weeks (to correct my divided septum and hopefully I won't have to breath through my mouth for the rest of my life). I have infertility problems. What else? I am allergic to cats!!! I hate to see what a few more years of this decade brings.
That is why I am escaping my life with Harry Potter books.
I am trying to see if this is working right. Please leave a comment to let me know you were here. Thanks.
But glad to have the old info back. Soon we will do the format.
I am feeling much better (if you haven't already--read the post below). I am so glad to live in a time where we have such great doctors and medicine!
Tomorrow I am presenting at a Women's conference. The title of my presentastion (I stole from a book title): "HOw to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids will talk." Not that these kids do either--ha ha. Well, Niklas is saying "Dee Dee" now and Jenna is still babling in her Hawaiian. They laugh at each other, so maybe THEY understand the language...
Niklas is also in a very dangerous stage. He pulls up on things but hasn't figured out how to get down, sohe just lets himself fall (and doesn't have the sense to even put his hands out to catch the fall). Jenna is having a hard few days, mood-wise. I am not sure if that is because she has a headache (from not drinking enough) or if there are other factors. But life is good for us.
Last week I had some, um, female problems. The "swelling" became painful enough that I used my Tucks pads left over from the delivery and soon it was feeling better. So on It went. Until Saturday. I woke up fine, but about 9 am I felt VERY achey in my groin area and my joints below that (but no where else in my body). Around 10 I began shivering. I told Günter I was feeling ill and going to bed (luckily we had very little planned for the day so he could take care of the kids). By 11 I was FREEZING. I put on 4 layers of clothes (Including thermals and fleece jacket--I almost resorted to my ski outfit) and crawled under 4 layers of down-filled comforters. And my teeth were still chattering. I felt naseau coming on but I hate to vomit, so I kept resisting. I got a hot water bottle. I took antecitmetophen. I was so miserable that I managed to go down the stairs and tell Günter how sick I was. He said I looked incredibly pale and he was scared at how I was shaking and my teeth were chattering. I finally let myself throw up--it was only water. But that felt better. The part that concerned me the most was how my lymph nodes in the groin (did you know there are any there?) were so swollen and tender to touch. I have had my lymph nodes under my chin swell and once under my armpit, but never there!
It went on like this. I was pretty worried because we had friends coming over to dinner. I had even chopped up veges that I wanted to use in some Thai dishes. I asked Günter to cancel but he couldn't get a hold of them. Finally I said that if they came he could just make a frozen pizza and I would go to bed. I actually said hello to them, but that was about all.
I didn't sleep well at all. I was vacilating from chills to fever. My temp went as high as 104. I was glad when morning came but also dreading it. Why? Because this was the day my husband was going to begin being the leader of the German congregation. He REALLY wanted me there and I had even prepared a short talk earlier in the week. Plus his family was coming over to dinner after church. TEN people! Thankfully I had made the lasagne and manacotti on Friday for that! I was torn between supporting him and taking care of myself. So I gave into the more altruistic one. I went. I flet weak, but managed. I gave the short talk too. I took the kids home right after and mercifully they both took naps so I could rest. Günter had already set up the table and place settings so I just had to put the food in the oven.
I tried to be friendly when people came, but I was in no mood for socializing. I waited until dinner got underway (and tried 2 bites of manacotti but couldn't eat any more) then went up to bed. I think everyone was understanding. That night I sweated like no ones business. I had to change my clothes THREE times in the night and the bedding twice. At one point I thought of just staying in the sogging wet place because I was too tired to get up, but I made myself do it. I don't need pnemonia on top of it--ha ha.
Today (Monday) Günter went into work late so I could go to the doctor. They took a culture, urine and blood samples. From the urine it showed a severe infection (no duh!).So they decided to put me on an anti-biotic. Of course she said that it likely would cause my breast milk to give Niklas diahrea. Great. Like I need that too! For a moment I thought it would be the end of breast feeding.
So I am recovering. Unfortunately I couldn't rest after Günter went to work since I couldn't get the babies to sleep at the same time. But The antibiotics will make a difference by tomorrow. I already have a lot of energy back.
Yesterday I went to the ENT to have an allergy test. They wanted that before my surgery (on 12 Oct) that will correct my divided septum (and hopefully help me to breath better). They don't want to correct something then find I didn't get treated for an allergy and that would cause some future problems they would have to address. Günter stayed home to watch the kids while I went.
They wrote (with a pen) numbers down my forearm then placed a drop of liquid by each number. Then they 'scratched' it in the skin. I had to wait 20 minutes. They tested for pollens, dust, animals, etc. (but not food). It itched like crazy on a few spots. You'll never believe what I am allergic to.... Brutus! Yes, I am allergic to cats! I guess this is one more reason to turn me away from cats (my neighbor's cat also helped). I wonder if all those years I had a cat if that was the problem! I am also allergic to molds. Günter wondered if that includes cheeses. I don't know.
Since I didn't have the kids I also stopped by the dentist to check my splint (tooth guard). He said they will need to build it up, so I have another apointment for that next week. It always seem one apointment leads to another.
Oh, on the kids news, Niklas is now saying the 'D' sound. Jenna hasn't made those sounds yet, though. It still has me worried.
This may bethe solution to a big problem at my house--ha ha!
This is a funny picture, but shows the resemblance quite well.
This about killed us both--but I got her toe nails painted (to match mine). I had to put her sandals on to keep her from touching them until they dried. After they dried she kept playing with them. My girlie-girl for sure.
By the way, thanks for all the support yesterday. I think I am on a better track now. Mercifully feelings come and go and it is only temporary!
I don't have that many people that read this, but I have tried to keep it more on the positive side hoping I wouldn't scare anyone off with my negativity. Yes, it could be a lot worse! I have thought about if I want to let people read how black my mind can get at time. I hope I won't do this very often. No one probably likes to read or hear of such despair. We all need hope. Here are the thoughts in my mind that are swirling around and causing me to feel quite depressed. It is my stream of consciousness:
"I feel fat. I am fat. Why did I fool myself when I was pregnant into thinking I could eat a little extra? I hate my body. I hate myself. It's my own fault. If I would do something about it rather than focusing on my husband and his weight. I tried eDiets, and they won't take me because I am breast feeding. Weight Watchers online is so expensive. Why should I have to pay money. I know what I have to do. I shouldn't need to pay someone to make me stick to it. I wish I could have someone else just make my food for me. I hate having to figure it out. I don't like buying and preparing food. It takes so long to figure it out. I want it to be simple. I COULD get out and walk, but I am too lazy to set up the double stroller, pack up everything for the kids and get them in it and walk around the neighborhood. It probably would make me feel better, but I don't make the effort.
I am failing as a mother. I judged people harshly that allowed their kids to be in dirty clothes, and that is what my kids are in right now. Niklas drags himself all over the (tile) floors and his onsie is so disgusting--I must be a horribel housekeeper as well if it is that dirty around here. Jenna has food from feeding herself smashed all over. I don't feel like changing her (and giving her a bath) every time I let her feed herself. If I feed her, then she won't learn and it will be my fault. Plus, I am worried if they are getting too thin or too fat. I don't know what to feed them everyday. This baby food is so expensive and they go through it so fast. When am I suppose to make dinners and feed them 'real' food? I can't remember a time I made meals. I have always just snacked. I am afraid if I start making meals so the kids can eat normal stuff then I will get even fatter.
I feel unappreciated. No one even recognizes what I do all day. My husband comes home and plays with the kids for an hour before they go to bed. He nevers mentions how the house is picked up or the laundry done or a billion other things I do all day. When I was employed at least it was a little appreciated. I could see (and others too) what I did all day. I thought I made a difference. I don't expect these kids to appreciate it, but it would be nice if my husband did.
I am too selfish. Someone from the church called and asked me to take in a meal to a family who had a car accident. I declined and asked to be a back-up if she couldn't find anyone else. Why? Because I am too overwhelmed with my life right now. Part of it is that I am running low on food and I am afraid to ask anyone to take me on base to shop (a friend has offered next week) and the things I want I can't find the substitutes in the German stores. Plus everything is so expensive! Diapers alone will kill us. The baby food is so expensive. I should make more on my own. It is so time consuming and all. I am so lazy. It would probably make me feel better if I did do something for someone else. I am probably making my depression worse by doing all the wrong things...
How are we going to make it financially without me working? My husband doesn't even pay attention to it. He goes out and buys things that are WANTS not NEEDS and thinks nothing of it. I had a big fight with him the other day because he came home with two plastic patio tables (after last year he had me give away two plastic ones I had because he thought we didn't need them). Plus he bought a new bike helmet since the other didn't fit him right. He doesn't stop to think how often things will be used and if there could be a temporary substitute since it isn't worth buying if it is only used a few times a year.
I need more sleep. I never seem to get time to myself. Everyone tells me that I need to take care of myself so I have something to give my kids, but when am I suppose to do that?! If I don't take care of them, who will? Günter just lays on the floor with the tv on and lets the kids crawl on him or scream. If I am home he pesters me with questions about what to do. I always ask him what he would do if I wasn't at home--do that!!!! Learned helplessness.
I just got back from changing Niklas. After I got a clean onsie on he promptly spit up on it. I had to change it again. I put him in his bed. Now if Jenna would just take a nap, I could too. That would help a little. Jenna is taking every single diaper out of the package and taking them around the room. Both of these kids are so active. I wonder how they will ever do in school.
Weird, it is helping to get all this out. Usually it just spins around in my head until I eat a cookie or something. I don't want anyone to give me advice. I know what I need to do. I just want sympathy and understanding! And please offer to take over my life and let me get some good sleep.
I am trying not to get too worried about Jenna and her not saying any audiable words. She is 16 months and really should be able to say mama or dada (papa). She continues jabbering in her Hawaiian/Yiddish language. She talks alot, but doesn't make many consonants. I am discovering that being a mother means I find something to worry about, and I expect this will be for their whole life! Jenna still has trouble with fine motor (grasping things) and won't hold her bottle (or cup) or spoon. I know she can, because I have seen it, but she won't. Most of my friends that have many kids don't worry too much and said even though some kids were slower in developing, they are all the same by the time they are 3.
On the other hand we have Niklas with grat fine motor, but slower in the gross motor. He is starting to want to pull up or over things and screams when it is too frustrating for him. His speech is fast catching up to Jenna, and sometimes I can't tell who it is babbling. Once in a while he even lays in bed and talks to himself. That is something that gives me a great thrill when either baby does it. I don't know why. I guess it seems like they are content with life if they can be in bed and make happy noises.
I am just now starting to comprehend a little of the impact Katrina has had. It is horrific. When I try to wrap my brain around what it will mean with 1 million people homeless and the economic devastation this will cause not only to individuals but to us as a nation, it boggles my mind! Just to clear out the debris and get basic public facilities operating again is going to be a major feat! It sounds like mariat law is operating as the looters continue to gain power. I am sure desperation for basic needs brings out the worst in humans. How can they get enough drinking water, basic food and medical supplies there? Then to think of all the medical emergencies--people that can't get medical supplies or help that is needed, women having babies (prematurely) and all kinds of fatal situations, saddens me to the point I can't find the words. How would they triage on this level? Not to diminish 9-11 or the Tsunami, but they were nothing compared to this!
The only thing I can think that would help is if people that can, 'sponsor' a family--offer a home and any kind of help they can. If we all did a little rather than thinking the federal government can do it. I mean, where will the money come from? We already have such an unbelievable amount of national debt. Plus, the personal insurance industry will probably go bankrupt. Imagine them trying to cover all the home, car and property claims. Where will that money come from? Rebuilding all public roads, hospitals, sewage treatment plants, police and fire departments...it just goes on.
It will be many months, if not years, that the areas hit will be able to recover. I guess the good thing that this will stimulate a lot of jobs and products, which can help the economy that otherwise could collapse under the weight of this.
Meanwhile I sit in my comfortable home and wonder "What if it was me? Us? What would I do?" The number of natural disasters seems to be increasing at an alarming rate. Then we have the threat of terrorism, it seems like such a scary, unstable world. What will my children face? How can I prepare them and instill the needed emotional and spiritual strength they may need to endure all this?
I realize that my life could be changed suddenly too. I could lose it all too. All the material possessions are so disposable. The rich and poor are leveled out in something like this--they both have nothing. I guess something like this just triggers the pessimism I already have lurking inside. I hope I can find a way (other than just sending money and prayers) to help.
Any wonder I am in a low mood...I really binged yesterday in a BAD way. I am so tired today and was so hoping both babies would sleep at the same time...no such luck.
Yesterday my husband was called to be a leader (equivalent to a pastor or priest) in the German congregation. Our church doesn't have paid ministry so we all do our part. We kind of thought something like this might happen, but now that it has, it worries me. Since he has already spent a large ammount of time doing church related things, we have already worked out a comprimise with time involved. He gets 2 nights plus Sundays (and any calls that come during the other home time). The real thing that bothers me is that I am in an all time low spiritually. If you have been reading this blog you know my struggle with honesty and shopping on base. Now that issues raises it's head again. Günter wants to be more honest and thinks we should end this stuff. I am not ready to. So I feel very selfish and unworthy for not even wanting to be a better person. It is true that I am mostly thinking of the financial aspects (and I have so many issues about that).
The good part of it all is that I will keep going to the American congregation (I made that clear to my husband even though he prefered otherwise). My values are all in conflict. I want to be a wife that 'supports' him but I don't want to change my life that much. I am rambling and not sure exactly what I am thinking or what is bothering me. I will need to process it some more before I can figure it all out.
My sister-in-law told me that her sister has a theory...CWM. Chubby White Mom's are invisable. She went to the pool with her child/ren and it didn't seem to matter how she looked--no one looked at her. She thinks when we are CWM that we won't be noticed at all. I guess that is part of the reason the chubby part is around to stay.
What I am trying to say is that I want the mom part, and the white part is healthy (as oposed to the cancer provoking tan), but the chubbiness is optional, but easier. I am thinking of making part of this blog a way to account for my weight.
Yeah, right! I can't seem to get it together enough to list anything besides 'fake links'. I used to have a nice site until the spammers caught up with me and we had to find a new webserver.
I REALLY appreciate the comments--they give me the support I need. What would you think if I put my weight loss stuff on here?
I was having trouble getting motivated to lose weight so I made a deal: I can get on eBay (FP Little People stuff) once I lost 5 lbs. Not so hard, right? The scale has stayed the same. The first week I was going through some withdrawal, so I was pretty motivated and denied myself grazing and sweets. Then the next week I snuck a little here and there, then this week I am back to my normal (bad) eating habits. But I have stuck with the agreement and haven't been back on eBay. Yes, I do want to lose the weight, but I wonder how much. Not enough to go a-bidding, I guess.
Yesterday I cried. In the car. By the side of the autobahn. Why? Because for the 2nd time in my life I ran out of gas. I take some of the responsibility and blame Günter for some. He drove the car last (taking some elderly German women home from church) and didn't fill it or tell me that I should. I did notice the indicator light flashing but I was in a convoy of mothers going to an amusement park. I thought we were almost there and didn't want to stop or look unprepared. Plus I had Günter voice in my head saying that I can go 100 km when the lights starts flashing. I even passed a gas station on the autobahn but went on by. Well, we were almost there (the odometer read 70 km) so I thought I had enough to get there and get gas on the way home. The car started sputtering on a bridge. I was able to coast off the bridge and to the side of the road. Luckily one lady was behind me and pulled over too.
I was so embarrassed to tell her what was wrong. Since we were right by an exit she went to go get gas. After and HOUR she came back (in the mean time the kids were melting down and I had to breast feed Niklas in the front seat and then he rewarded me by spitting most of it up on my legs and the seat). She said that she didn't have gas. She had bought a gas container but wasn't sure if I had diesel or unleaded. She had gotten back on the autobahn the wrong direction and thus was so late. So she left to get the gas (unleaded) soon after. I was crying right along with the kids in the car. I had given them what I could to eat but they were so tired of being in their car seats. The semi's and autos were whizzing by (the autobahns are known for high speeds) and I had to pee so bad. I finally broke down and opened a door of the car (for some privacy) and squatted.
I was so angry at myself. I should have gotten gas when I passed the station! My mistake was far more obvious because of that decision. When we finally got there I apologized till I couldn't any longer. People WERE worried and called their husbands who called the husband of the lady who got me the gas, so eventually they all knew.
The kicker is that I pride myself on being fairly organized and prepared. The fall comes after pride I guess. It is humbling for me! I still feel a lot of shame about it, but I will survive.
I have been meaning to update a few things people have asked or commented on:
* I have worn (when I remember) a tooth guard since 1995. The dentist call it a splint. It is made with hard plastic. The one I had from Spokane clipped onto my top teeth. A small piece on the side broke off, but I was still using it. I finally had it replaced (here) since it was so old and I couldn't get some of the gunky stuff out of the crevises (no matter how long or well I brushed it) and the insurance paid for it. The one they made here fits on the bottom teeth and has some metal in the plastic that must make it more stable. I have had some trouble getting used to it since my tongue is displaced a bit. I am afraid I will bite the tongue when I am clenching down in my sleep.
*I have to wear a wrist brace too. About 3 months ago (after trying to carry both kids) I had sharp pains. I went to the orthopedic doctor who did an ultrasound and said it was tendonitis. Unfortunately most people aren't 'cured' of tendonitis--they just learn to live with it. I am babying my other wrist so it doesn't happen to it as well. At times I can go without the brace, but if something bumps (or hits) it wrong it can send shearing pain. Most of the time it is a burning pain. My body seems to be taking a toll.
*I am still breastfeeding. I suppliment with formula when I go in public because it is a pain to find a private place to nurse. Plus, others can help me feed the kids. My right breast has all but 'dried up'. Niklas has never liked to nurse on that side, and I just don't feel like pumping to keep up the production. So my left breast is larger than my right. It is weird. The breast feeding hasn't helped to lose the extra weight as I had hoped. Probably I eat more calories to compensate. I still have about 11 lbs to get back to pre-pregnancy weight, and I was a little overweight then anyways. But my period hasn't come back--I like that!
*I have trouble with anxiety (and sometimes depression). Even with meds and knowing all the things to (cognitively) tell myself, I still struggle. But I can manage okay. I hold it together for the kids but after they go to bed, my husband gets the brunt of my whining. That's all for now.
I know the quality is poor--I had to lighten it up. We are not a Dutch family, just a size 3 Pamper family (clean, of course)!
Should I go to a 12 step group?! It#s not over yet...
After Günter came home I was able to get out and mow the lawn. I am very happy to have something else to do than watch the kids. I also did some much needed pruning and weeding. There is a lot that still needs to be done. When I orginally planted my front flower bed with perenials I wasn't sure what would grow, how tall and the blooms. Now I have a good idea, even though the bed doesn't look very nice. Major overhaul is needed there.
Since we now have the fence around the backyard I am starting to think of ideas for that (for next year). I want to have a gardening bed on one side and the other side have a playhouse and swingset. we'll see what actually happens in the next year. I have to do most of the planning and motivate my dear husband to work on parts (he is a great procrastinator when allowed to himself).
But it sure felt good to be outside with my hands in some dirt and doing something that I can see immediate difference!
1) I have never been directly peed on (I was especially worried about this with Niklas while changing his diaper, but it has NEVER happened to me.) Both kids have soaked a diaper or leaked on me and both have directly peed on Günter!
2) After disgustedly reprimanding Günter for all the burping and fartings over time, I encourage, it not assist, these kids in doing it. I get all excited when they burp and even push up their knee to get a fart. We all laugh when they do either!
3) How beautiful a sleeping baby is!
4) That I would be having conversations with others about bowel movements--frequency, texture etc. That I am thrilled when they have one and cheerfully clean it up. (Telling Jenna she is a super-dooper-pooper!)
5) How much a small jar of baby food is, and how fast we go through them.
6) How little (and poor quality) sleep I can survive on.
7) How little I actually understand about babies.
Today I did get a shower (with the sacrifice of sleep) and got myself and kids ready (fed, diapered etc) to go walking with a neighbor. Then she cancelled.
Then I went to a dental apointment (leaving at 11:30 with the kids). After dragging them into the office I find the tooth guard wasn't ready. They told me to come back at 2 p.m. It takes 20 min to the house and another back, so I took a walk with the kids. It was okay for the 1st 40 minutes. Then I fed them, and Niklas was screaming (needing to sleep but wouldn't in the stroller). Then it started down pouring. I got back to the car without being completely soaked then drove around until Niklas fell asleep and gave Jenna some cracker sticks. She made a complete mess in her seat--sticky stuff all over her head, face and car seat. Then I finally went back to the dentist once the courrier came. Well, my tooth guard wasn't in the pouch! So now I have to do this again next week. Then to make matters worse, when I got home the phone wasn't working (I wanted to whine to Günter about the day). So here I am! Just a little glimpse into my life...ha ha.
Niklas is getting the sleep thing! Last night it was EIGHT hours without waking. We are on our way to a better life!
The title sounds like something political, eh? Perhaps it is. But for me, it has become a very sore spot. I have noticed, over the years, how I am quite resistant to change (including going on a holiday I have been really looking forward to). Lately the anxiety has to do with social obligations. I haven't figured out if this is just with German speaking people, Günter's family or in general. Every time we have a dinner with guests planned I go crazy the day before and day of. It is even worse when there isn't much advance notice (which happened too frequently since my husband--whom I believe MUST have adult ADD).
Friday evening I was unwinding. Günter and I were talking then he mentioned how the next night we had some people coming to dinner (that he invited). I freaked out. I said he didn't write it on the calendar and never said ANYTHING about it until now. He disagreed and said he told me a few weeks ago. The evening was ruined. I went into my hysterics saying I didn't have time to clean the house, plan a meal, go shopping and cook. He said he would do it all. RIGHT!!!! But in order to teach him a lesson, I suggested he begin by vacumming the downstairs (since the kids were asleep upstairs). I was so anxious about it that I kept bugging him to plan a meal. He came up with some unrealistic ideas (which I knew in the end would mean I would have to either cook it myself or supervise him). The next day I was still quite tense about it. But I forced him to make a grocery list and went shopping while he watched the kids. When I returned (and the house was a mess from the kids) I went bezerk. I don't know why I get so crazy. I worry that the house looks so cluttery and the food will be horrible (and they will think I made it) and the kids will be tense (because of my ranting and raving). It is just horrible. So I cleaned up, set the table (while he made spaghetti sauce) but didn't 'hide' all the baby junk around (I normally do that when I know people are coming over) and put the coffee table back in front of the sofa (I keep it out of the way so the kids don't get injuried by it).
The couple and their two kids came (ages 4 and 6). I was barely involved. I fed the kids. Served the food and cleaned up in the kitchen while they talked (in only German). I realize that part of it is my shame for not being more fluent in the language and people actually telling me that I need to learn the language (like I need reminding). Which is followed by me making excuses and hating myself. So, the evening ended. But I am looking at the pattern. I used to get like this years ago when anticipating a visit to my family. Now I dread it when we have dinner with Günter's family. I somehow feel diminished and judged. Even when I don't know that anyone is judging me. So I dread these social things and throw royal tantrums when I have to go. Especially when I am not given advance notice to get emotionally prepared.
I hope one day to work this out. I have sooo many issues.
Niklas grunts and screeches when he wants something. He usually does this when I finish feeding him and he wants more. Anyhow, I thought it was worth showing you. It doesn't show up in the picture so much (looks like he is concentrating real hard).
My husband keeps asking if I am addicted to eBay. I assure him I am not. But I am beginning to wonder. I never used eBay until 3 days ago. I was looking up Fisher Price Little People prices (like Walmart etc) and my husband suggested looking what eBay offers them at. Well, it was several hours and a few 'bids' later that I shut that down for the night. At least he tried to educate me and said I better be careful because they use 'gambling' terminology on purpose (like 'winning' vs. buying) and beware of the shipping costs. I almost made some costly mistakes on that one. It is incredible to me some of the shipping costs (mostly handling fees?)! I have only bought one thing: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5988364709#ebayphotohosting
But I keep going on to see what is up for bidding, or to see what my 'items to watch' are going for. It is wasting far too much time and I impulsively put in a few bids on things I didn't really want THEN I checked the postage and about died. I hope someone else out bids me. I PROMISE not to be so impulsive, if I can save myself from a few stupid bids!!!
I don't even exactly know why I am obsessed about getting FP Little People stuff anyhow. I remember playing what is now referred to as 'vintage' items. Günter's mother got her the school bus for her 1 year birthday and I got her Noah's ark for her birthday. Then I found the dump truck (that the eyes blink and it talks and moves) and the talking farm at the thrift store (on base) for a great price. Now I want to get a little hou
