It is interesting to see how kids develop in their thought processes. The latest thing for Niki is to ask me who's my favorite. I always tell him he is my favorite boy. Sometimes he presses me further, and I know what he is looking for. Sometimes I ask him who's HIS favorite (mother, father, sister, Oma etc.)--he loves it! I am glad to announce I am his favorite mother and Günter his favorite father and a relief that Jenna is his favorite sister. He also admitted she is his favorite friend too. I know he won't always feel that way, but nice that he does now. I will take what I can get!
I just finished reading the book "Are You Somebody?" by Nuala O'Faolain--a memoir of her life growing up Irish Catholic. It is a very good book about family dynamics, trying to find love and feelings of loneliness and loss. It did put me in a bit of a reflective mood. She wrote this in "middle age"--I guess that is somewhere in the 50's. Since I am in my 40's, it brings up some of the questions you begin to struggle with during this phase.
I am a bit out of step with my peers, since most friends my age are launching children into college or missions, but I am still in the potty-training stage with mine. I know that I am a much better mother because I have more perspective and understanding at this age. I have worked through many of my Family-Of-Orgin issues and don't think I am passing too much of the dysfunction down that I was raised with. Even still, I find that I have trouble with patience and energy at my age. In some ways I think I would be a better grandmother than mother at this age! Nevertheless I am ever grateful that I AM a mother--for many years I thought that would not be a reality for my life.
As I have posted in the past, it is a lot harder than I imagined. I find myself struggling with the mundane-ness of it all and how I seem to have lost myself in this role (but I am slowly recovering it bit by bit as they get older).
My parents are getting older and they both have poor health. Who knows how much longer they will live. At the end of Nuala's book, she faces that death is pushing behind us all. Because I am caught up in daily tasks I often don't take the time to reflect on life unless I am shocked by someone's death or tragedy.
At times like that it really does make me reflect on Who's my favorite and do I really show that...I can do better with showing my children and husband and Savior and Heavenly Father they are my favorite. We all want to be cherished!
Posted by Krista at September 5, 2008 01:30 PMI often think prophetic counsel to have your children while you are young is true. I do agree that you enjoy the whole process more if you have had to wait for it. It gets better and easier as they get a little older.
Posted by: Marian at September 5, 2008 03:55 PMI'm back home safe and sound after evacuating to Alabama with my two daughters and their families and their dogs. Evacuating is so difficult when the entire city has to leave as our evacuating was mandatory....it's also very expensive with food , hotel rooms and gas. Were were again lucky....no damage at my house nor at my girls homes. Michelle still does not have power, but she has a generator running some things. We spent yesterday cleaning up the front and back yards....full of leaves, and branches...what a mess! I only lost power for a short while so my things in the refrigerator did not spoil...both my girls had to throw everything out...but we still feel very lucky. I spent time here catching up with you......
Posted by: Joan at September 5, 2008 09:02 PMI totally know how you feel and I'M a working mom! It's still hard finding my role of self because I'm torn between work and home. That's really sweet about Niki. Laura is still going through that phase but she phrases her questions as "who do you love more...Casey or me". Ouch. I just tell her I don't play favorites and that I love them for different things that they bring to the family and that they each bring me great joy. You definitely have come far in your family-of-origins (I can say that since I've known you for 30+ years). You are a gem-and-a-half! I luv you.
Posted by: Jeni at September 5, 2008 09:22 PMI know what you mean, worrying about the loss of your personal identity. That has been something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I even wrote a post about it a few months back. I really don't want to loose my individuality while in the roles of wife and mother. If I loose myself how will I be interesting to my hubby when all the children move out? I think women really do need time during the week to "be themselves" now the question is. . . how do you carve out the time, especially when you have young ones? Let me know if you figure that one out! Thanks for your thoughtful words!
Posted by: Leslie at September 6, 2008 03:06 PMI appreciate your comments Krista - they always resonate with me (especially as a fellow mother of 2 small kids). Lately I've been consumed with the potty issues with Bennie. He has decided he really wants to strip down and spend lots of time on the potty, which is great but also difficult.
It is so fascinating how different your children can be isn't it? And how you can love them in completely different ways. I think deep down they value that unique love we have for them as individuals. And that when they feel our genuine love it helps relieve some sibling rivalry.