Thursday I was pretty busy running errands (pushing the limits with the kids before a melt-down). On Friday I spent cooking Cranberry Salad, copper pennies and a HUGE amount of mashed potatoes. (The day before we took 2 tables and 6 chairs to our neighbors) At 5 pm we shuttles ourselves and the food to our neighbors for a Thanksgiving dinner. It was nice but a bit overwhelming with over 30 people there, plus a dog and cat.
But it was quite nice visiting with neighbors. Günter tried to keep an eye on the kids so they didn't break anything at their beautiful home. He took them home shortly after 7 pm and I stayed to visit. By the time I went home at 11 pm it was raining quite hard and I had to load up the tables, chairs and dishes to take home. Günter was already in bed so I had to drag it all inside.
Saturday we took the kids swimming. My two kids are naughty swim.babies. While we were all in the booth changing, I had Niklas undressed but getting his swim trunks and he stood there and peed all over! 'We had to clean that up. Why he couldn't have done it 30 seconds earlier when he had his diaper on, I'll never know! This pool (Ramstein Azur) had a pool that was about the depth that they could stand in, with the water going up to their arm pits. Niklas was delighted with the new sensation of walking with the new resistance. He walked back and forth from Günter and I, laughing the whole time. Jenna was content to play in the shallow water dumping her water in different stackable cups we brought. They both enjoyed sitting on our laps while going down the indoor slide. But Jenna loved going to the heated outdoor pool. The trees around the edge were a lovely golden color with some bushes that had varying fall colors. It was chilly, but the warm pool felt all the better because of that! At the end we stayed in the little kids pool. At one point Jenna's swim suit bottom pulled up into her crack so I reached to pull it down and got a finger full of poop! YUCK. I had to clean that up and couldn't get the image out of my mind or the smell off my finger--no matter how long I scrubbed! We hurried them out to get changed. I wonder if this is worth all the trouble!
We went grocery shopping after and put the kids down for a nap. Günter had to leave in the late afternoon for some church things, so I took care of the kids until it was bedtime. Swimming seems to exhaust them so they sleep better, too!
Sunday was the usual hecticness with getting all of us ready to leave by 8:15 am. After the main service I took the kids to nursery. Since I used to be a leader there I am very curious to see how it will turn out now that I am not doing it. My worst fears were realized. There were many children and parents gathering, but no teachers. They came in after about 10 minutes and no one had the key to the closet to open it for toys. They divided the kids into the 3 rooms. Jenna wouldn't go to her class and Niklas's class only had one teacher, so I stayed (actually I tried to sneak out once but within minutes they were hysterical and someone came to find me). It was free play the entire time except for a short snack time. But it seemed to work. So much for all the extra things I tried to do (activities, lessons, singing time). Niklas fell asleep in the car and Jenna went to sleep after we got home, so I actually got a nap. Günter didn't get home until nearly 7 pm. Then the evening was spent trying to occupy the kids. I really wish they could play together but Jenna takes whatever Niklas is playing with, and he lets off a siren-scream or bites, then I have to intervene. This happens so many times that I found it is easier to sit there with them and mediate right on the spot. Hence, I have little time for blogging or emails. I live for the time to put them to bed. Even still, it is not until 8 or 8:30 that Jenna will go to sleep so I have to try to keep her quiet so she doesn't wake Niklas.
Today has sent me over the edge. Niklas got up shortly before 5 am and I did my best to keep him quiet so Günter and Jenna could sleep until 6 am. Günter got up and Jenna woke up shortly after 6. Günter left by 6:30 am.
As I was holding Jenna on the couch (with the tv on) I heard a huge CRASH. I jumped up to find Niklas head and arm through the glass of the grandfather clock! He was shocked, but nothing was bleeding or injuried (amazingly enough). I cleaned up the glass and took off the pendulum and weights and moved the clock to a corner between the china hutch and plant table. Then I called Günter and told him that when my old job opens up (in March) I am going back! I got that clock in 1997 while living in Spokane, Washington and it survived the move to Germany and two local moved, but not these kids. It is very discouraging to me that there is less decorating and beauty in the house as time goes on. I feel sad about this. I thought I had the house child proofed, yet apparently I need to have a bare room with some toys in it.
I feel so abusive right now. I told Niki how angry I was, but of course he doesn't understand. Then I wanted him to suffer, so I put on some house-shoes on him (he hates that) and he cried and cried, putting his head on the ground while he crouched over it. I know he doesn't understand, so it is only for my benefit. And yes, I know the house shoes have nothing to do with anything...
When does this mothering thing get any easier?! I feel so guilty that I have feelings like this because I always wanted to be a mother and it was so hard to become one, and I had two miracle children, now I don't want to do this any more!
Oooh! Your poor clock! Ofcourse you're heartbroken . . . I'm so sorry.
It really is very annoying that we are old enough to have nice stuff, and then the kids break it all. Kind of makes you understand the 60 yr old men with the hot sports cars -- as a teen, I thought it was such a 'waste' to have an old man in a cool car, but now I totally get it.
As for parenting . . . it gets easier and harder. Easier in that they get more language and less destructive, and they have more energy so you spend less time dealing with a tired cranky toddler. Harder in that their problems are harder to solve, some of that extra energy will be devoted to arguing with you over the most petty crap . . .
Ugh. I have to admit I'm finding toddlers preferable (easier) these days. But don't get discouraged! I'm sure you'll be better at bigger kid stuff than I am!
I hope you found some relief just writing this blog! The kids loved reading about Jenna & Niklas at Azur. You've had a busy schedule (even with fun activities) and must feel worn down which only decreases one's perspective & tolerance levels! Your clock is beautiful and you worked HARD to teach him "NO!" when Niklas would pound on it. Hopefully he now gets the message! Hopefully it can be repaired without too much difficulty.
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to escape from the role of Mother -- but somehow if we just take things one day at a time by some miracle we continue on. Don't ever feel guilty about looking forward to bedtime!!! The reward seems simple but there is comfort in a quiet house --- and a feeling like you have a sense of control back for a few hours.
The real solution is a 6-week vacation (or longer - smile!) If you want a travel companion PLEASE let me know! I'll have my bags packed in a jiff. I'm sure our husbands will be understanding and accommodating -- cough, cough.
Posted by: Dana at November 20, 2006 05:09 PM
I think most Mother's at some point in time want to escape reality, but when we do we miss what's real to us and realize that we're natural at it. It's a job to be a Mother, everyone deserves a break and it sounds like with your busy schedule, you need one. ((HUGS)) I'm so sorry about your clock. I hope that the repairs are not too costly!
Posted by: Jess at November 21, 2006 01:35 AMYou sound perfectly normal to me and yes, it does get better. Mike is 6 and Georgiana is 3 and *finally* I feel that I can start making the house look pretty rather than just functional. I remember a stage where I felt like running into the backyard and just screaming and screaming. It seemed like the kids wrecked everything that was important to me that was not related to them. Having two so close in age is a challenge, but this too will pass. Of course, as they get older there are new challenges, but you do get more time to feel like a person instead of a referee and one-man-entertainment-unit. BTW if Ian was at church from 8.15 until 7 he'd hear about it from me! Kids need two parents, not just one...and his responsibility didn't end after providing *cells* and a signature on the bottom of adoption papers. You need a break - not a one-off holiday in Ireland, although that's fantastic - you need a break every week...you will reap the benefits and so will Gunther - nothing beats a strong relationship between a father and his children. Is he likely to cooperate and allow you at least one morning/afternoon a week to regroup and recharge?? And, I think going back to work at least part time will help. Full time is a nightmare, but part time gives you the time away that you need for sanity and gives you a greater appreciation of the children (and inceidentally, they of you, too).
Posted by: Anne at November 21, 2006 01:17 PM