Trade offs

This entry was for yesterday. I was very busy and didn't get a chance to write. However, I thought about what I wanted to "process". We made an offer on a house. This only came after I woke up at 3 a.m. and began obsessing about it. We looked at this place and really liked it (except my 35 minute commute) but were still checking out our other options. This last week the house was listed again but 19,000Euros lower! I thought we better move on it or it won't be available soon. At 4 a.m. I knew sleep was not my friend so I got up and did some house cleaning. Honestly, I was trying to do it quietly but it must of woke up my husband. He was nice enough to stay up with me and process all about it. When I got to work I called in an offer. I was afraid I was making the wrong decision.

This triggered my "trade off" thinking. We all know that there is no "perfect" house, relationship or job etc. It is just a matter of deciding priorities and what you can live with, then making it work. I have come to this "wisdom" through the school of hard knocks. I sometimes get back into my magical thinking that is some perfect thing out there and torturing myself that I didn't wait for it. I know this is bogus.

I know that there would be a trade off with price, location, style or something with a house. I came to the same conclusion back when I was dating and really wanted to get married. I made up my mind what I needed and what I could live with, and negotiated the rest. I know this sounds somewhat calculated, but that is how my mind works. I over used my emotions in making decisions in my younger days and they usually turned out poorly. Now I use my brain to think, then deal with the emotions afterwards.

I grieve the loss of my "ideal" magical world where there is some perfect man, perfect job and perfect home for me. I take comfort in knowing I can be happy in whatever I consciously put my mind to.

I'll write again on Monday!

Posted by Krista at October 17, 2003 09:50 AM